“We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found.” — Cecelia Ahern
Today I woke up sad. As the morning wore on I became angry at myself because I couldn’t shake the sadness. Then I became grumpy. My attitude took away my gratitude for the day. See, I was missing my dad. Today would have been his 84th birthday. I missed calling him and singing to him. I looked at photos which just made me miss him more. I focused on him not being here rather than all the wonderful years I had with him. I then tried to force myself to be happy. The thing about faking is your soul knows the truth…and then I came across this quote:
“Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.” — Carl Sagan
Somehow, this made me feel better. Just knowing, I am here where I am supposed to be, feeling what I needed to feel helped me reach inside and give myself a hug. Earlier I’d opened an email blog post about getting out of your own way. The contents sort of slapped me in the face, mostly because I totally feel unproductive today, and I realize I am often my own worst enemy. But I also know today is a day I need to rest, not to concern myself with production but with nurturing. I’m going to be gentle with myself. So, today instead of getting out of my own way, I’m going to step right into the center of me. I am who I am, and life is what it is. I choose to be here, right now.