Owning Up

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt


Why is it so difficult for people to own their actions? A person who admits they’ve wronged another or made a mistake earns more respect than someone who points blame elsewhere.

The choices you make and the consequences that follow belong to you. When one continuously justifies their actions they will fail to clearly see their responsibility. In doing this they will continue the same path of behavior. When you stop making yourself a victim you will rise above the ashes.

Examine the situation. What can you learn from this? What part did you play in this? Did you provoke someone? Insult them? Did you take something that belonged to them? Did you invade their space? What is your relationship with said person? Do you have a long turbulent history with this person? Chances are slim that you are a random target.

Everyone has a dark side. Emotions often feed this part of us we fear or dislike. The bottom line is when we know the things we don’t like about ourselves it gives us the power to improve ourselves. It makes us more aware of the choices we make and the actions we take. We not only have the power to own our lives but we have the power to make the life we own as peaceful as we dare to be.

Peace cannot be found in the eye of the storm. When we change behaviors that no longer serve us we earn trust in our relationships.

Secure people own their actions. They learn from their mistakes. They conduct themselves in ways which enrich their relationships and end relationships that don’t serve conducive to peace and personal growth.

When you find yourself in unwanted drama, accept your position in it. Apologize for any wrongdoing or speak your peace. Let it go and move on. Until you let go, you will never move on. Until you move on, you will never find peace.

21 thoughts on “Owning Up

  1. LOVE, love, love this Suzi. Yes to all of it.

    My mother has never admitted to any wrong doing – she is always the victim & it is always everyone else’s fault. I now realize this is part of her mental illness, but unfortunately, her children were raised this way, so it’s what we were taught to be ‘normal’. I’ve had to learn it’s quite okay to admit mistakes & shortcomings, but the rewards for doing that have been great. Life changing really. My life today has far more peace than I ever had growing up. Part of that are the choices I’ve made, but part of it too has been to walk away from destructive behaviors & people who don’t support me. In learning to let go, I became so much more at peace with myself & those around me.

  2. Suzi, you share so much truth is this! And ironically (because of something that recently just had happened with someone), much of what I have been pondering myself the past week; mainly making choices and playing the ‘victim.’

    “When you stop making yourself a victim you will rise above the ashes.”

    Thank you! Which is exactly what I shared with the person I refer to. However, I think this person enjoys playing the victim because it gives them more attention and sympathy, and it’s easier for them to blame others than take responsibility.

    ” Let it go and move on. Until you let go, you will never move on. Until you move on, you will never find peace.”


    Thanks for sharing, friend!

  3. What a treasure trove of advice, Suzi! I’ve known people who refuse to accept any blame; sadly, too often, they’re the ones causing the pain (and in turn, living with the fallout). So much better to own up, accept any part in the confusion, and then move on. Owning up to mistakes really is the best path. Sure, it’s hard to admit frailties and faults, but there’s cleansing in confession (as every Catholic knows!!)

  4. There is much wisdom in this post. I am not certain why people find it so difficult to be accountable for their actions. There is no harm in acknowledging imperfection and apologizing, but many seem unwilling to accept responsibility. We are all human as we navigate unchartered terrain. That is universal so there is absolutely no harm in accepting that we may all be vulnerable during this process.

  5. Well put, Suzicate. Individuals who are true victims such as abused children and raped persons have no part in ownership of the crime. These victims still have to let go to rise from the ashes. The hardest part is the forgiving.

  6. Yes! It’s a shame when we insist on playing the blame game, because we proclaim ourselves as “victims.”

    Much better to see our part in the process and maintain our autonomy and freedom of choice.

  7. Making bad choices, learning from them, and avoiding them next time is something I’ve tried to do all my life. In every area, we should look at “how did that work out for you” and figure out how we made the right or wrong decision. Wise post, SuziCate!

  8. Pingback: Playing The Blame Game | Spirit Lights The Way

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