The Bond

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. – William Shakespeare

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Forming relationships with some people happens quickly. Often we have similar interests or outlooks on life. Due to personalities, time, distance, and other life circumstances some friendships require a lot of effort to maintain while others hold their own.

Have you ever met that someone (friend or significant other) you were instantly attracted to? You felt this gravitational pull, perhaps intrigue or simply a comfort about them, something that made you feel as if you’d known them all your life or you wanted to know them on a deeper level.

Most of us claim our spouses/significant others as our best friend. We often say they complete us. I’m one of those people who’ve said this. The more I’ve thought about it I realize I am not completed by my husband so much as I am complemented by him and vice versa. He brings out the best in me by challenging me to do new things and reach higher levels all the while respecting my individuality.

I think we often forget we are whole as we are. We don’t need anyone to complete us; however the people we surround ourselves with should be ones who support our achievements, commend our efforts, and edify and soothe our souls.

Don’t be afraid to loosen the binds to those who strain you. We don’t usually feel we can do that with family relations. If we are unable to limit contact with them, we can control how we allow their behavior to make us feel. What they do is their responsibility…how I feel about it is mine. I’ve given this much thought. I’ve decided not to allow other people’s bad habits or conduct dictate my happiness…I refuse to allow myself to be angry at another’s lack of morals, nor will I permit myself to be manipulated into doing things not from my heart.

Strengthen the bonds with those whose mere presence in your life encourage you to do your best and be your best.

Take the time to friend yourself. See to your own needs, physical and spiritual. You will be a better friend to others because of it.

36 thoughts on “The Bond

  1. LOVED this post, Suzi!

    “The more I’ve thought about it I realize I am not completed by my husband so much as I am complimented by him and vice versa.”

    Exactly! And I couldn’t have said that any better – compliment each other. And this goes for friendships as well.

    “Don’t be afraid to loosen the binds to those who strain you. We don’t usually feel we can do that with family relations. If we are unable to limit contact with them, we can control how we allow their behavior to make us feel.”

    Amen! If I feel drained (energetically) around someone, that’s usually a clear sign to me to loosen the bonds.

    “Take the time to friend yourself. See to your own needs, physical and spiritual. You will be a better friend to others because of it.”

    Yup!

    Love the photo you used in this post!
    X

  2. “Don’t be afraid to loosen the binds to those who strain you. We don’t usually feel we can do that with family relations”

    Well, I did. And definitely became a better wife, mother and friend when I did. Thank you for this post Suzi.

  3. I have been “estranged” from some family members for nearly ten years. I’m not angry at them. They just were too high maintenance for me. I wish them well, but I don’t miss them in my everyday life. Sometimes the only person you can save is yourself.

  4. Very insightful, Suzi. I think we all have people in our lives who are challenging. People who irk us (or worse). People who push all the wrong buttons. Sadly, these folks are often related to us, and we can’t afford to cut them loose. But you’re right, we CAN limit our time with them, realize they don’t have our best interests at heart, and refuse to be drawn into their drama.

  5. Beautifully put Suzi. After a few decades together though, any pair of people becomes enmeshed with one another. With no forethought or agreement, roles are set, for example, about who remembers and keeps track of what. So when a mate dies, and the survivor wails, “I feel like I’ve lost my mind,” in a very real way, they are right. It’s like having one of your hard drives tank.

    But that’s not what you mean, and I know that. Other than the interlaced brain thing, we are whole within ourselves, but I feel more energized and vibrant in the company (real or virtual) certain friends. One friend in particular has the ability to say three words that turn my thinking inside out and make the sky much larger to fly in. I’ve been considering how parents’ hearts grow large enough to reach around any number of offspring. I’m coming to realize that we have that same capability to love any number of friends, each in a different way. Each friend nourishes a different aspect of self. How much we miss by limiting friendships for fear of threatening existing relationships.

    Now, how about writing a book or something on how to distance yourself from those friends and family members who have become energy vampires…?

    • ” I’m coming to realize that we have that same capability to love any number of friends, each in a different way. Each friend nourishes a different aspect of self. How much we miss by limiting friendships for fear of threatening existing relationships.” – wise insight, Sharon. I remember as a child and teenager how people would try to control your friendships with other people. It’s takes maturity to realize we can be good friends with many people of different walks of life.

  6. When I met you at Lynn’s, I felt like we’d been friends forever. No work involved in having this friendship. Thank you for being such a calm and gentle force in my life. I am working on how I let the actions of others affect me. I love you!

  7. Great post! It’s true that some relationships do compliment us, but it’s also vital that we recognize those that hold us back. Sometimes those ties unravel on their own, but there are times when we have to actively choose to end the relationship.

  8. There is so much truth in this post, Susan. It’s really challenging to keep the actions of others from effecting us in a negative way. There have been times when I have had to take a step back. Enjoyed this post, and thanks for the reminder.

  9. I think your thought are easier said than done! I have difficulty not letting the way others act affect me in negative ways. I need to work on that. You’re last line says it all!

  10. ” I am not completed by my husband so much as I am complemented by him and vice versa. He brings out the best in me by challenging me to do new things and reach higher levels all the while respecting my individuality.”

    YES!!!!! Lovely. I kind of feel that if someone thinks that someone “completes” them, then they are probably lacking things in themselves. So the “complementing” is much better and more accurate!

    Love the photo, also!

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