They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies. ~William Penn
Some days the weight of the world is heavier than my shoulders can carry. With all that’s been going on in the world lately I’m sure you understand the sentiment. However, when things are amiss in your own private world, the weight is tenfold.
It’s difficult being away from the people you love when times are tough. My father has been having some health difficulties this past week. He’s been experiencing some “spells” which have weakened him severely. We knew his sugar was off and wanted him to see his doctor. He refused though his episodes continued. I think fear had set in. His weakness increased until he was unable to walk. We feared it was congestive heart failure.
The good news is he went to the doctor today, and it’s not his heart. However, his sugar level was over 600. They administered two shots of insulin, adjusted his meds, and surprisingly sent him home with an appointment scheduled for Monday and instructions to call emergency if his condition worsens.
Throughout the day, I clock watched, waiting to hear from my mother…of course, I was thinking the worst while praying for the best outcome. I worked myself up all day long. My father is eighty-three years young. I am not ready to lose him. My mother is almost eighty and wearing herself to a frazzle. I’m not ready to lose her either. I’m almost fifty…no longer a spring chicken. I almost lost my oldest son this past year. I lost my brother two years ago last week. Life is short. It is not guaranteed. I worked myself into great sadness thinking. A short while later I received another call from my mother that my father’s sister, my favorite aunt, had just died.
Life. Death. Such a fragile, fine line. A line that does not belong to us. And yet here we are, teetering. We are entrusted with this life we are each given for a period of time. We don’t know how long that time will be. We aren’t even given instructions as to exactly what we are to perform in that time frame in which we are already unsure of. All I know is we must love to our fullest and trust God to guide us through the rest.
I sit here in a cloud of melancholy. It hurts to lose the ones we love. We are never ready for it. While my heart is sad for the loss of my aunt and I hurt for my cousins, I am grateful for the involvement of my aunt in my childhood. I could tell you all about the selfless endeavors she performed for the good of family, but right now I feel like wallowing…I’m going to try to focus on the good she brought to my life and be grateful for her influence on me.
Book of Ecclesiastes – A Time for Everything
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.