Things I Don’t Usually Tell On Myself

Taken at the quilt show with my phone which apparently has a dirty lens,

Taken at the quilt show with my phone which apparently has a dirty lens,

Sometimes, I’m a real doofus ; I mean there’s truly no explanation or meaning to my madness. I went to the quilt show last weekend. This is something I look forward to every year. I always take lots of photographs. This year I wasn’t blown away as I usually am. It wasn’t until we were over halfway through the exhibition before I pulled my camera out to snap a pic of something that wooed me. I pushed the button and my camera said (ok it doesn’t talk but it writes!) “no memory”. I knew that couldn’t possibly be true because I have like an 8 GB memory card and I’d just uploaded photos to my laptop and erased them from the card. I pulled the card from the camera thinking reinserting it would magically create memory. The problem is that what I pulled out was not my memory card…it was the plastic thingy that closes the opening on my laptop to keep dust out. What is that thing called anyway?

Sometimes, my grocery shopping goes smoothly. I actually remember my list and coupons, and find everything I want without getting a bunch of extras. Sometimes, (OK, it’s so often it has become a family joke.) I bend over to pick up the item I’m looking at and when I unpack my groceries it is the item beside the one I was looking at. Usually said item is the diet/low fat version of the product. I think the universe it seriously trying to give me a message.

Sometimes, I answer the telephone even when I know by the caller ID it is most likely a telemarketer. Usually I am nice and say I’m not interested. Sometimes, I hang up on them mid-sentence of telling them thank you for calling. And once I even argued with the caller. After asking if it was Mrs. Payne (OK, I lied and said I was not me)  he proceeded to ask if Mr. Payne was available, and I said no he was unable to come to the phone…that one was not a lie, folks. Then he asked me who I was and why I was at the house with Mr. Payne when Mrs. Payne was not there. I told him it was none of his business and hung up on him. Perhaps I should have said I was the maid…I am. Or perhaps I should have said I was having an affair with him…Wonder what was running though his mind anyway?

Sometimes, I eat leftover dinner for breakfast. And I usually enjoy it much more than I did the night before.

Sometimes, I drink beer with chocolate.

Sometimes, when people are talking all techy I pretend I understand what they’re talking about.

Sometimes, I hide from the dog when I eat so I won’t have to share or look into those beautiful beady eyes and feel guilty.

Sometimes, I stay in my pjs all day.

Sometimes, I plan a day of really getting to work on a project and don’t do a thing.

Sometimes, I will wait an entire week before I vacuum the floors.

Sometimes, I just want to get the laundry over with and mix the lights and darks.

Sometimes, I take up over half of the bed and pretend I’m asleep when the hubby tries to get me to move over.

Sometimes, I bribe the dog with peppermints to get her off the sofa.

Sometimes, I tell my sister yes when she asks me if she looks ten years younger than her actual age. Now don’t be judging me, she is always telling me how young she looks and prods for my agreement, and there is just no telling her any different.

Sometimes, I spill dry pasta all over the kitchen floor and pick it up and prepare it anyway. Yeah, I just did this. We’re having spaghetti for dinner…you might not want to eat at my house tonight. This may or may not have been one of those week I haven’t vacuumed…I’ll never tell!

Spin Cycle: Sometimes

46 thoughts on “Things I Don’t Usually Tell On Myself

  1. Oh, you’ve got me in stitches over this one, especially your line, “Sometimes, I hide from the dog when I eat so I won’t have to share or look into those beautiful beady eyes and feel guilty.” I’ve done that, too! I tell myself it’s in his best interests (Darling Doggie being on the “porky” side and all), but it doesn’t hurt me none, neither!!

  2. First of all, it is looking fabulous around here! I love all of these. I have a friend who delights in screwing around with telemarketers – he’ll keep them on the line for ages, talking in accents and making up things. I have to admit, I cook the dropped pasta every time.

    You are linked!!

  3. So when you are grocery shopping you sometimes pick up the wrong version of the item you want? Is that what you mean by “bend over to pick up the item I’m looking at and when I unpack my groceries it is the item beside the one I was looking at”? They have so many versions of things that would be no wonder.

    I cannot believe the telemarketer asked you that! When I pick up the phone and they start talking I interrupt them by saying, “WHY THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ASKING. In fact, NO! I don’t have time right now.” And I hang up.

    That is funny about Wylie. I bet everyone does that with pets.

    • Yes, the wrong version of what I want, so many choices. ugh….
      Very good for you. Most times I just don’t answer but every once in a while I do. I’d gotten one for a while that the caller ID read “Do not answer”…I looked it up and apparently it had been tagged as political telemarketer. And yes, the calls stopped after the election.

      • We don’t have caller ID, so sometimes what happens is I am busy . . . lost in thought and my hand just reaches out and grabs the phone, probably more of a reflex to get it to stop ringing. Then the person just starts talking . . . and then I tell them I’m too busy. Or sometimes I just say, “No thank you.” And hang up. One time this woman was blathering on about giving people that needed money money, so I said, “Ohmygosh. Thank you!!! Thank you so much.” And she said, “What?” And I said, “You said you are giving people that need money money and I need money so thank you. How will you be paying me?”

    • Hi Suzicate. I popped over from Ron’s blog after reading your interview. I’m so pleased I came when I did and found this particular post, I can tell you I am smiling about the whole thing. I too have a ‘sometimes’ list… aren’t they fun? I have also lied to marketeers on the phone, even posing as ‘the cleaner’ on occasions… on second thoughts I guess that wasn’t a lie! Good luck with your next book, I’m going to check out your first.

      • So glad you came by, Valerie. Yes, you caught me on a day a was having a bit of fun! Thanks for coming by and wishing me luck on my book.

  4. Suzi, you had me laughing my butt off at these!

    “And once I even argued with the caller. After asking if it was Mrs. Payne (OK, I lied and said I was not me) ”

    I ‘ve done the same thing! Now normally I don’t even answer the phone unless I see that the number is one that recognize because I get like a MILLION telemarketer calls in a day. Well, one time I answered the phone without looking at the caller ID and it ended up being a telemarketer. And when they asked if they could speak to Ron Carnavil, I said, “Oh…I’m very sorry, but this is his brother who is from out of town and staying at his apartment. Unfortunately, Ron is out of the country and won’t be back for 6 weeks. So, try calling back then. Goodbye!”

    Aren’t I wicked?

    🙂

    X

  5. Such a list and I’m nodding at almost each one. Yep–gone to the grocery store deep and thought and come home not with the thing I really wanted but was standing next to it on the shelf. Sheesh! And yes, while I work my online job at home, you will see me in my flannel moose pants and t-shirt. Fun post, Suzi.

  6. Sometimes I especially, really love a post. This is one of those times. Especially the cam card bit. BTDT except I hadn’t put anything in mine. Yesterday I forgot to take said cam. Hubby laughed at that one.

    • Hubbys just love to give us a hard time, don’t they? We joked last night when the kids came over for dinner – dessert was apple pie with vanilla ice cream which the hubby picked up…it was low cal ice cream so the kids assumed I’d picked it up by accident. The were surprised my husband has begun to pick up my wayward habits.

  7. You had some funny ones here…and some I’ve done but don’t want to admit which ones 🙂 (Okay, I will admit that I’ve cooked dropped pasta…if you boil a toothbrush for five minutes to kill the germs – which is what the doctor said we could do after our son had strep – why wouldn’t it do the same for pasta? Oh, and no, I didn’t boil the toothbrush…I threw it away.)

  8. “Sometimes, I eat leftover dinner for breakfast. And I usually enjoy it much more than I did the night before.” I do this too – leftover pizza hot or cold is great breakfast. Especially on those blue mornings when “making” a bowl of cereal is too much effort.

  9. So many of these things I do myself! My version of the grocery thing is to bring home something I just know we’re low on – in fact, it’s on sale, so I buy multiples! Only to open the cabinet and realize I bought the wrong thing. I did it with carrots just the other day. My mother does that – so I call it ‘pulling an Anita’. You also have to say ‘well, crap’ when you realize what you just did. When I am just home from the store and Pat hears that, he always asks, “What did you buy too much of this time?”
    As for the phone, I am sometimes mistaken for the child of the house, so I’ve played that angle. So fun.
    After years of yelling at us, Edie is slowly coming around to leftover pizza for breakfast. But she won’t eat it cold. Baby steps….

    • I tell you Edie is a kid after my own heart. If I’d had a daughter I’d have wanted one just like her! She’s coming around to all sort of things these days….pretty soon she’ll just grab it out of the fridge in the morning and pop it in her mouth!

  10. What a hoot! I thought I was the only one who did these things! And don’t worry about the pasta on the floor. Hot water sterilizes, doesn’t it? Sure it does. 🙂 Hope you have a fabulous weekend in your PJs.

  11. ROFL I love it! It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one.
    Thank you for letting me pop in to visit–and thank Ron for dropping your name and the book over at his joint.
    I’m gonna indulge!

  12. I’m sure you feel much better for all the confession. Now, as for penance, place all you have in the way of unmarked bills in an envelope and address them to Colonialist … 🙂

  13. Suzi,
    This was hilarious, mostly because I do a lot of that, too! Today, for example, I am STILL wearing the yoga clothes I and fuzzy slippers pulled on in lieu of pj’s this morning. I did not even brush my teeth until 2 today. Then it was only because a friend texted me and I thought, “If’ he’s planning on stopping by I had better at least not have dragon breath!” Thank you for reminding us that we’re ALL human, and none of us perfect. 😀

    • Too funny, I’m sure your friend appreciated you thought enough of him to brush your teeth! I’m sure my hubby wished I’d brushed my teeth this morning and not met him with dragon breath, lol!

  14. Hello, I wandered here after spending some time on your poetry blog, and I just have to say, I am torn … both blogs are so easy to get lost in, reading for hours …. but who needs to vacuum anyway, right? Thanks for sharing yourself in so many entertaining, talented ways!

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