The Difference Between Done And Undone

Usually when I say I am done I am not referring to a completed project. It means I am over something. I want no more of the situation.

If I say I am undone, it means I have surpassed my limits. You could very well say I have been pushed beyond my means. (I must add it takes quite a bit to get me to that point.) It might be a person trying me or it might be a situation that has overwhelmed me. Basically, the final straw has been placed on the camel’s back.

When I am done, I need to walk away. I must have time to regroup. If I don’t do this, there is the possibility that I will react. Reactions rather than carefully thought out actions are most times not good for anyone.

If I am not allowed to walk away, it is less likely I will accept the circumstances in which I am conflicted. Adding to that layer shakes my foundation. If I reach the point of coming undone, I first lash out which I must admit is not pretty, and then I shut down. A combination of time, distance, and silence prevent this from happening.

Like everyone else, I experience minor irritations in life. If I can pinpoint the cause, I can halt the escalation of a “situation”. Sometimes it might be my own doing, like taking things the wrong way. Or maybe I’m trying to control something that is beyond my control or frankly not mine to interfere. Then there are times that people try to manipulate me. Or possibly I might be annoyed at the treatment of people I care about. No matter, I try to avoid confrontations and uncomfortable situations. However, we find these things happening with co-workers and family members at times, so avoidance doesn’t always work. Acceptance works, but unfortunately we might just come undone before we give up and accept the situation or person as is.

Often times while we are hiking, Dirt Man will ask me if I want to continue or go back. There are times I want to go back, knowing full well I am not done because I have to retrace my steps to get where I started. As it goes, many times he convinces me to continue, (which mean I have a much longer path to retrace) and I do but often without enthusiasm. (This means my attitude stinks!) Needless to say, by the time we are “done” with the hike I am truly “undone”…that is until I get home and see my photographs and realize I might be achy but if I hadn‘t continued I wouldn‘t have gotten those great pictures! See, accepting the situation, looking for the good in it, and moving on really does work…sometimes.

When a cake is done, you must allow it time to cool. If you frost it too quickly the cake crumbles or the icing melts. At any rate, it becomes a mess that no one enjoys.

51 thoughts on “The Difference Between Done And Undone

  1. I find the older I get, the more I am able to predict when I will be done and when I will come undone, with the exception of when the hormones kick in, and then all hell breaks loose.

    It is at this point that I would eat your crumbly, melty cake with my hands if I had to and enjoy it very much. Who am I kidding, I’d eat it and enjoy it even if I weren’t in that state. What’s a bit of melt or crumble? And it’s kind of representative of the state of mind, no? 🙂

    The insightful life coach Rebecca Mullen of Altared Spaces (which I see is on your Blogroll) taught me an invaluable body compass exercise that helps this “mind dweller” tap into how she’s really feeling about something. Sometimes the mind can play tricks on you, but the body tells it like it is.

    Great post, Suzi.

  2. I am an old anxiety ridden worry wart. I have helped my condition by doing things and getting done. First don’t avoid and procrastinate. Do everything you can to the best of ability. Try to bring closure and resolution. If it takes longer, well it will take longer. I can rest better at the end of the day knowing that I did all I could do and no more. There is peace in that and I accept that the reslolution may not be one I like, but can move on. As I get older I find fewer and fewer things have so much importance any more in the first place.

  3. I think as you grow up you realise and accept when you’re done more easily and focus on what you need to do and not what others need you do. But sometimes you have to embrace the unexpected and be impulsive.

    • Speaking of cake…I am undone, diet is capoots! A had a piece of Cheesecake Factory cake in the fridge, it just called my name until I gave in…and now L has left a MilkyWay (XL bar) in the freezer…why do I find these things and focus on them…Obviously, I am my own undoing at times!

  4. I have a very strong will.

    When I was 17, I was running a temperature of 103, but I desperately wanted to go to a dance with my boyfriend. So I faked feeling well to my mom and went. I was miserable at the dance, my back ached abominably, and I finally had to ask my boyfriend to take me home. I was deathly ill for several days after that. I did myself in. I should have said I was done with the dance BEFORE I went out. Instead I undid myself.

    This has been a pattern most of my life. Even when I think I should be done, I often don’t take steps to make it so. Then I become undone and unfairly blame it on the direct undoer.

    Fortunately, with the years piling up comes the advent of some wisdom. I don’t have the energy to be so strong-willed anymore. Instead of bemoaning the loss of what I have considered an asset most of the time, I’ve found it has brought me a certain amount of peace. Yayyy!

  5. Suzi, I could have written this post myself because I am the EXACT same way as you!

    Word for word.

    I do best when I ‘pause’ before reacting to something that upsets me because I’m not a pretty sight when I simply react.

    And I agree…..

    “accepting the situation, looking for the good in it, and moving on really does work…sometimes.”

    LOVED this…..

    “When a cake is done, you must allow it time to cool. If you frost it too quickly the cake crumbles or the icing melts. At any rate, it becomes a mess that no one enjoys.”

    I gotta remember that!

    Have a great Friday and weekend, my friend!


  6. Like you, when I am done, I am DONE. Over it. Going to come ‘undone’ if I don’t get to step away and breathe. And my history proves it: ex’es, crappy past jobs, irritating projects put away, etc. With some things you just have to accept that you’re DONE and walk away.

  7. I found your blog via another one I follow: “Shadows”
    this space looks really interesting, I’m definitely going to check out some more of your writings! 🙂

  8. I agree.

    Although when I read the title I thought of done as in finished cooking/baking and undone as in not finished cooking/baking.

    I guess although I agree with your explanation of “undone” I hadn’t thought of that as being “undone” prior to your explanation.


  9. I’m like you, takes a lot to push me to undone and it’s not pretty. 🙂

    I thought of you on our trip. I told Jason we should have “trained” for the hikes like you guys did in Utah. My legs and feet were undone. Lol.

  10. Hiya,

    I just wanted to say a brief thank you for the comment you put on my blog. I was writing from a difficult place, but things look brighter after the weekend. I have taken that post down, but I wanted you to know that your words meant a lot.

  11. Hubs and I are the same way on most hikes! I say, “I am tired already and we have to go all the way back- Let’s turn around.” And he always convinces me to go a bit further, which makes me quite “un-done.”

  12. Well, sometime I don’t realize that it’s undone, and i think it’s done. On the other hand, also happen when I think it’s done, but actually it’s undone.
    Nice post suzi, I love your last sentence

    “When a cake is done, you must allow it time to cool. If you frost it too quickly the cake crumbles or the icing melts. At any rate, it becomes a mess that no one enjoys”.


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