When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ~Author Unknown
I’ve recently read some really good blog posts on powerful subjects. Sana wrote an excellent one on self responsibility. I read another one on blame, one on life regrets, and yet another about guilt. (Sorry I can’t remember who authored these.) While we deal with all these in our own realities, there are times, often tragedy, that we experience all these emotions at once. It’s a conflicting whirlpool that has the ability to drown us if we allow it.
Regret, guilt, and blame have no place in a heart that wants to move forward. Healthy relationships are based on love and acceptance. It all starts with self responsibility. When we become responsible to ourselves we become respectful to ourselves and others. We alone are responsible for our own realities.
Blame fills our lives with anxiety and stifles our personal growth, not to mention the guilt and devastation it places on others. I once had a pastor who said that whenever we point a finger at someone we have three more pointing back at us. Hearing that years ago had a profound effect on me. That doesn’t mean I’ve never done it since, but usually in reflection I do catch it and try to right my wrong. And though it happens at times, it should not be a way of life. The way to a fulfilling life is through self responsibility, love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
Blame only succeeds in making others feel guilty which does nothing to solve the problem. The root is usually unhappiness for one reason or another of the person inflicting blame. Often people are afraid to explore why they feel the way they do. It takes a strong person with good values to reflect and mend. Finding fault does not create remedies. Accusations only cause more pain. Blame is simply a copout. We can’t change circumstances or other people, but we can change ourselves and our perceptions. In fact, perceptions are another reason we blame others. We too often only see how things affect us. If we remove ourselves from the situation, things look much differently. Not everything in life is about us, and sometimes none of it is about us.
Self-responsibility starts with you and me. We might grow up with certain attitudes and tendencies but if we are wrong it is our own responsibility to fix ourselves. We need to make ourselves accountable. We may not be able to control all, but we each have the power to shape our own destiny. We have an obligation and an opportunity to do what is right. Acceptance and forgiveness are practices we should incorporate into our daily lives. We all have the ability to give and receive love. And truly at the end of the day, isn’t that all we really want? When we take responsibility we are humbled and others place their trust in us, and we do the same in return. When we do this, our relationships flourish, and we as individuals expand. We touch others with our love and our lives, and they in turn do the same. We become the ripples in the pond.
We waste too much time wallowing in the dark cave of self pity when we can be out creating sunshine. When we’ve done right, we have peace in our heart. That alone gives us the power to let the situation go and move on. Forgiveness releases us more so than whom we think we are forgiving. Forgiveness is freeing, like the sun rising each morning. May we each go out and be the sun in someone else’s life.
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. ~George Bernard Shaw