Let Your Love Light Shine

When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ~Author Unknown

I’ve recently read some really good blog posts on powerful subjects. Sana wrote an excellent one on self responsibility. I read another one on blame, one on life regrets, and yet another about guilt. (Sorry I can’t remember who authored these.) While we deal with all these in our own realities, there are times, often tragedy, that we experience all these emotions at once. It’s a conflicting whirlpool that has the ability to drown us if we allow it.

Regret, guilt, and blame have no place in a heart that wants to move forward. Healthy relationships are based on love and acceptance. It all starts with self responsibility. When we become responsible to ourselves we become respectful to ourselves and others. We alone are responsible for our own realities.

Blame fills our lives with anxiety and stifles our personal growth, not to mention the guilt and devastation it places on others. I once had a pastor who said that whenever we point a finger at someone we have three more pointing back at us. Hearing that years ago had a profound effect on me. That doesn’t mean I’ve never done it since, but usually in reflection I do catch it and try to right my wrong. And though it happens at times, it should not be a way of life. The way to a fulfilling life is through self responsibility, love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

Blame only succeeds in making others feel guilty which does nothing to solve the problem. The root is usually unhappiness for one reason or another of the person inflicting blame. Often people are afraid to explore why they feel the way they do. It takes a strong person with good values to reflect and mend. Finding fault does not create remedies. Accusations only cause more pain. Blame is simply a copout. We can’t change circumstances or other people, but we can change ourselves and our perceptions. In fact, perceptions are another reason we blame others. We too often only see how things affect us. If we remove ourselves from the situation, things look much differently. Not everything in life is about us, and sometimes none of it is about us.

Self-responsibility starts with you and me. We might grow up with certain attitudes and tendencies but if we are wrong it is our own responsibility to fix ourselves. We need to make ourselves accountable. We may not be able to control all, but we each have the power to shape our own destiny. We have an obligation and an opportunity to do what is right. Acceptance and forgiveness are practices we should incorporate into our daily lives. We all have the ability to give and receive love. And truly at the end of the day, isn’t that all we really want? When we take responsibility we are humbled and others place their trust in us, and we do the same in return. When we do this, our relationships flourish, and we as individuals expand. We touch others with our love and our lives, and they in turn do the same. We become the ripples in the pond.

We waste too much time wallowing in the dark cave of self pity when we can be out creating sunshine. When we’ve done right, we have peace in our heart. That alone gives us the power to let the situation go and move on. Forgiveness releases us more so than whom we think we are forgiving. Forgiveness is freeing, like the sun rising each morning. May we each go out and be the sun in someone else’s life.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. ~George Bernard Shaw

38 thoughts on “Let Your Love Light Shine

  1. “When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ” Now that is very wise. 12- Step program tells us not to blame others for our misfortune but to own it. And to be careful to see our part in it so as not to transfer blame and justify or rationalize our feelings. It is unhealthy to waste time obsessing over who owns the blame. ON THE OTHER HAND I refuse to accept blame unjustly attributed to me or allow people to claim my actions are the cause of their misfortune. I will not hesitate to let them know it. In a very loud fashion. Deafeningly loud.

    • 12 step programs have the wisest philosophies. No one should have to accept unjust blame nor should it be imposed in the first place. I like the way you think, Carl.

  2. You are right about self-pity. I had that this week over my neck collar not coming off. I had told friends that we knew it wasn’t time for it to come off. I knew it isn’t time for it to come off. Well the doctor said it isn’t time for it to come off! I have it for about another month. I got all feeling sorry for myself. Then about half way through Tuesday it was like you idiot!

    • You’ve been through alot. I think we all get that way when we’re frustrated. It’s those who can’t look past themselves generally that need to refocus.

  3. “Blame is simply a copout. We can’t change circumstances or other people, but we can change ourselves and our perceptions.”

    Bingo! That’s what I have always found to be true….

    I may not ever be able to change circumstances, people, or the past, but I can certainly change my perception.

    I don’t believe in regret, because as long as I learned something from an experience, it was never a failure.

    “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. ~George Bernard Shaw ”

    Love that, Suzi!

    Have a sunshine weekend! And Happy Easter to you and your family.

    X

  4. A neighbor of mine is dying from lung cancer she is 81 years old, and has a very joyful outlook. She has peace in in her heart, she is grateful for her life and has no regrets, she feels very blessed. I think that is the key to be grateful for all her that God has given — every experience the good the bad and the in between.

    Have a joyful Easter season,

    joanny

  5. Lovely post, Suzicate! It takes a big person to accept responsibility for his/her own life and decisions, rather than foisting blame on others when things don’t go the way they want. And guilt can really eat away at a person. Much wiser to confess our faults, make amends where we can, and resolve to try harder to be (and do) better!

  6. Holy cow, Suzicate. I really need to sit and think about all of this some more. I’m sure I’m guilty of at least some of this from time to time. Thank you for the thought provoking post.

  7. This is so true. I’ve witnessed situations of blame and finger-pointing – everyone involved ends up hurt. I’d much rather be sunshine than the cloud raining on someone’s day.

    Your post was a bit of sunshine on my Saturday evening!

  8. As I was reading this I thought of something I learned a long time ago, and often when I reflect on it, it is proven true. When dealing with people it seems that the anger expressed was directly related the their guilt of wrong doing. Whether the “wrong doing” was actually something WRONG or just a failure to perform on their part (this lesson was learned at work when clients who didn’t do it right would yell the loudest at us).

    This lesson popped into my head when reading the first part of this post. So when I got to the part about forgiveness it made me wonder if some people need to forgive themselves for something and that is why they are acting out or acting in an unbecoming way. Kind of as you said, “The root is usually unhappiness for one reason or another of the person inflicting blame.”

    I also think . . . as I stated on your sister’s blog that some people just really do not know how to handle strong emotions. Death of a loved one brings on really strong emotions and sometimes people just act out.

    I know some people that act completely inappropriately when they are sad because they don’t know how to express sadness. It is easier to project than reflect.

    • I think you’re right about some people needing to forgive themselves…I think they try to shift blame so that we don’t see their mistakes. Or maybe that just don’t want to face it themselves.

      • I bet you are right about both. Could be a complex thing and both apply to one person or for one person they try to shift blame and another they don’t want to look.

  9. It’s all about perspective. Sometimes it is hard getting there, but ultimately if you want happiness and peace in your heart you have to make the decision to let go the self pity clutter within yourself.

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