We Hang In The Balance

Alpha and omega. Beginning and end. In this mortal world, we are all that lies in between. We are the brink of laughter and the deluge of tears that show we coexist. We are the warm embraces and the silent stillness that say we understand.

We are intricately woven into the very nature of existence. We are the early morning song birds, the trickle of the mountain stream, and the rustle of the wind in the trees. We are the fragrance that lingers from spring lilacs, and the scent of impending rain. We are the salty foam of the sea and the warmth of the sun. We are the stones that stumble upon the path, yet we are the stars that light the way through the night. Though we are merely dust, with breath we are everything in this life.

Our vision is clouded by tears, and we are thankful for those who guide us. We have no words as they are thwarted in our throats…we resort to utterances only God understands. The weight upon our shoulders sags until the pain twists it’s way through our stomachs. These are the things we don’t have to say because we sway together in tune to this dance of love, life, and loss.

As the cycle of life comes full circle, we feel as if we are caught in the wave, the eddy of life and death. We are sucked in, pulled under, and are close to drowning. We feel helpless watching a loved one catch that final ride home. As we grasp with our own pain at seeing him suffer and wither away, we will rejoice in that life that was, is, and will ever be woven within the fabric of our own. We will continue to love and remember until our own time comes to an end.

We feel as if we are losing an appendage… it hurts and we’ve lost balance. We teeter and must learn to walk again. May we become more sensitive to the delicate balance of nature. May we be wiser to our lessons, and not take people or things for granted. May we revel in memory, but may we be as joyful in the making of new ones in every moment. May we see every life as a splash upon the soul and soak it in. May we let it cleanse, rejuvenate, and sustain us. May we accept the grace this life has to offer.

We selfishly wonder how we will ever come to accept this empty space that will be left in our hearts, at our dinner table, in our family pictures, and in our lives as we know it to be. And a space is just that, a dash between two lifetimes; the one we’ve had here and the one to come. Life does not end in death, for it is only the beginning of another journey….

More so in tragedy than in triumph, we learn who are important in our lives. The outpouring of love, support, and prayers from friends, family, and even complete strangers unite and strengthen us. As we continue in our struggle in coming to terms with and making our way through what is happening right in this moment and in the days to come, may we find strength and peace to carry us through.

 

My Boy Blue

 

 In a hurry, you dart in and out

like the minnows in your fishing bucket

You can never just be,

always have to cast that line

as far as your arm can reach

from the edge of the river bank

You always hook us with laughter

from your sideline of wisecracks

And so you love and you give

with a heart bigger than the sun

Your spirit of adventure,

your quest to live,

dances in your devilish grin

and twinkles through your blues

It’s always been your eyes,

could be their bright color

or that tinge of sadness that lingers,

But always you’ll be my boy blue

Time only allows us but a while

to collect the rocks of memory

I reach into murky waters

and grab all that I find

I toss them with the minnows

darting in and out of my heart,

nibbling away at me

Hold tightly to that line, my brother,

and fight with all you can muster

No matter how swift the water runs,

it’ll always take you home

48 thoughts on “We Hang In The Balance

  1. “These are the things we don’t have to say because we sway together in tune to this dance of love, life, and loss.”

    So very true, this post truly breaks my heart. I am grieving for your family’s struggle and pain.

    Praying for much comfort and strength during this difficult time.

    All my thoughts and love to you all.

  2. I got so emotional reading that. You really have poured your heart into it. I pray that your family will be comforted and GOD will ease your pain.

  3. My friend. The chairs never get filled back in they will always be empty in your heart. Over time one learns to tolerate it. Just rememeber nobody will ever be able to take that special place in your heart. That belongs only to you!

  4. “Life does not end in death, for it is only the beginning of another journey….” There is so much comfort it that, for those who believe it.

    “More so in tragedy than in triumph, we learn who are important in our lives.” Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That has never been as clear to me as it has in these past weeks when my mom passed away. Some people extended a helping hand out of guilt or self-interest, which became quickly apparent. Others were there for our family out of genuine care and concern. Still others were standing by our sides at the worst moments possible. Some came to the service to socialize. Others came to grieve. The entire experience will color your outlook on many things from this point forward – use every color in the crayon box – not just the black one.

    • It is a difficult process, especially in a large family where everyone is scattered about. Though I want him to hang on, it hurts so much to see him suffer. And yes, it has been interesting to see people’s true colors so to speak. It has been amazing how people we didn’t expect to have come forward offering help in unexpected ways.

  5. Beautiful, Suzi.

    It was like listening to the delicate strings of a violin, expressing your heart.

    Please know that I am sharing much love and prayers with you and your family.

    ((((( Suzi )))))

    Love you, my friend…..x

  6. I feel deep sorrow, please take care. When you lose someone very dear to you, it is like losing a part of your body. You will feel it is there and still continue to try to use it. Then only you’ll realise that the person is gone, but then you’ll forget again, it does take time, but surrender and accept and God willing, over time, you’ll be fine.

  7. Thank you for stopping by to comment on Blueviolet’s post. It is really special as is this peace. I truly enjoyed it. Your word pictures are wonderful.

  8. I can feel the pain of your words, and your beautiful poem brought tears to my eyes. It’s never easy to let someone go from this life, but I hope the memories you’ve gathered in that bucket will keep him close to you always.

  9. My prayers are with you Suzi.
    Your words and poem brought tears to my eyes, too …. I have been there with my brother, I know how hard, almost impossible it feels at times … the ups and downs you so beautifully described … Just being there for your brother is a great gift to give him.

  10. You are blessed with the gift to blend nature and human life, and then to express it via the written word. Such a heartfelt tribute to your brother; one that gives us hope and faith that we’ll understand it all upon leaving this earth.

    I’m sorry for your loss. May you and your family be blessed with peace as you adjust to life without “him.”

  11. beautiful words suzi, your posts are so deep, wise and thoughtprovoking, introspective that its a privillege to read them.

    loved the poem, i read it earlier in your poetry blog though. loved it there, love it here.

  12. I am sorry you and your family are having to suffer this way. I understand the sadness, it makes me sad, but I also sense a strength and faith, and that makes me happy. I hope and pray you will find peace and comfort that allows you to bear this terrible pain.

    Your post and your poem are beautiful tributes.

    Next Sunday I will dance with your “boy blue” in my heart and thoughts.

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