Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow. ~Philip Gulley
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am not in control of the universe. Even though I know that I can’t manipulate current situations, I still find myself filled with fear. I worry about things that are inevitable but have not yet occurred. “Let go and let God” echoes through my head. Why is it that some things are easier said than done? As a human am I programmed this way or has living conditioned me to this way of thinking?
I look for the calm in the midst of chaos. However, the chaos mostly exists in my mind. Sure I might have it in my life, but here right now in this exact moment in time, I do not. I create in with worrying about what I can’t control. I spend more time in memories and dreams than I do in the present. I try to recall moments of pleasure in the past because I fear impending doom. And maybe it is the word “terminal” that brings fear to the front of every thought and every action. I chase peace like a dog chases his tail…once I get it, I don’t know what to do with it. I let it go and start searching again.
I tend to think of terminal as the end, over and done with. I focus on what I see. I have to remind myself that what is considered the end is the beginning of something else. Tadpoles turn into frogs, and caterpillars become butterflies. When people I love are in distress, I am affected. I have to remind myself that even so, it is still not about me. I turn to my faith. I hand it over. And then I take it back. I do it again and again. It’s a vicious cycle I hope to break. I do trust, so why can’t I just let go? Is it emotion taking over reason?
This song reminds me to trust like a child, not worry, be happy. I hope it reminds you, too.