I ponder the questions to which I have no answers. So, I do the only thing that helps me when I’m hurting with no answers. I walk. Dirt Man grabbed our packs and loaded them and leashed the dog, We headed for the woods. I needed to stomp the earth and inquire the universe. I needed to fill my pores with the beauty of nature and hopefully find a bit of wisdom along my way. I felt angry. I felt helpless. I felt hopeless. And damn it, I wanted answers!
Why do people get sick?
Why must life be followed by death?
Why is life so short?
Why must there be pain in living and dying?
What is the purpose?
How can the heart let go?
I grapple to find reason in the midst of chaos. I grasp for answers in a sea of uncertainty.
There are times that we are but shadows that reach out and spread across one another’s paths. We don’t always know why our lives intersect. We don’t always know the impact someone has had on us until much later, and often we never know quite how we’ve touched someone else.
We might never know our true purpose. We are never ready to be used up and hollowed out. No one wants our time to be over. And there never ever seems to be enough time. Just maybe using all we have is the purpose after all.
There are times that we lean and sway. In those times of instability, it helps to have connections that lean and sway right along with us. It comes with love and support.
When the body is too weak to hold itself up, it’s important for there to be another to slide beneath and be strong enough to hold them both. Life is meant to be shared through the good and the bad. Relationship gives meaning to every thing we say, do, or even think.
Who are we to know when our time has come full circle? And who are we to complain of the size of our circle? It is the depth of what is packed in the circle that matters. It is the accumulation of all we’ve touched, those we’ve taught, and the lessons we’ve learned that completes the process of which we have no control. Though I have no understanding of why some circles are completed before others, I know I must accept it and be thankful that I was a part of that circle.
Still, I have no answers. Other than knowing it is the process of life and death, I fail at any deeper understanding. I remain helpless. I might never understand the purpose. I hold out hope to what is greater than I am. I hope that even through our losses we will all love as long as we live.