Good bye, Gym Beau! We have parted ways. Or so were my intentions.
He made me sweat. And say bad words. He was a pain in the butt. And every other muscle I own.
He made me feel guilty and inadequate. He was a bully.
I tried and tried to be his friend. My goodness, I even gave the dude a name.
He continued to stare at me, menacingly. Even from under the coats, I could feel the glare burn to my bones. He never let up. I always knew he was there. Just waiting. Waiting to make me hurt for more.
Now, he’s gone. Or so I’d hoped, to be some other woman’s toy.
I hoped he’d be seen for his real worth, more than just a coat rack.
Dirt Man and I set out to drop him off at his temporary home, the Goodwill Orphanage where we hoped he’d only have a short stay before being adopted. Our hopes and dreams were shattered as the “Donation Lady” glared at Dirt Man through the sweaters on her teeth and growled, “We don’t do exercise machines!” Dirt Man thought to himself that she looked like SHE didn’t do exercise machines. Dirt Man’s wife also looked like she didn’t do exercise machines…hence the visit to the Goodwill Orphanage. Apparently, there is a recall on the Gazelle, so they weren’t allowed to accept it.
Come on, I admit Gym Beau is dusty and dirty and I really should have given him a bath, but really to deny him entrance…we know you just have an aversion to exercise equipment. Gym Beau isn’t the same model. You were mistaken. He doesn’t even have pistons. But I’ll bet he’s pistoned at you for rejecting him. A guy can only take so much rejection in one day!
Dirt Man agreed to go to the mall with me. Uncharacteristic of him, he must have really been upset about bringing Gym Beau back home. Maybe, he was afraid that I’d suddenly fall in love with Gym Beau and spend all my time with him. Dirt Man informed me that maybe the reason Gym Beau and I failed to get intimate was that Gym Beau was indeed a bimbo. As a matter of fact now that he mentioned it, “Gym Beau” did seem to warm a bit more to him than me. We parked at the rear of the mall in hopes that someone would steal Gym Beau off the back of the truck. We shopped and ate lunch to allow the thieves time enough to get away. When we returned, devoted Gym was still there…waiting. Where are all the dishonest people when you need them?
So, we stuck Gym Beau in the corner of the yard with a note attached. I said a little prayer and took off for the book store, hoping old Gym would be gone when I got home. Six books and eighty dollars (good deals on those books!) later, Gym Beau was still patiently waiting for me. Did God not hear my prayer? Or have I not been a good girl? Or was it a sign? Or maybe a clear message that I REALLY need to get to know Gym!
We had one last rendezvous. NOT!
As I type this Gym Beau continues to sit forlorn at the edge of the yard, pleading me to take him back in. What do they say about getting stuck with things/animals when you name them?!
*****UPDATE: Gym Beau just got a home, YAY! A very pretty and nice lady just stopped by and asked me if I was sure I wanted to get rid of him because it REALLY works. She already looked good, so I can tell she will be devoted to him. Made me want to be motivated…but who am I kidding? We all know I’m too lazy!