Garanimals For Men

Dirt Man is no male fashionista. He will never grace the cover of GQ. However, he could easily be the poster boy for someone “in need” of a male adult line of Garanimal clothing.

It’s not that he has no common sense of what goes together or even style in general. HE JUST DOESN’T CARE! If it feels comfortable then it’s fine with him.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t actually let him leave the house looking like a total slob. He wears mostly Levis and khakis, which of course, he can throw anything on with those. And he does have enough fashion sense to be able to match a pair of dress pants with a nice shirt and tie. Well, at least most of the time he can pull it off.

His problem is that he can’t part with the past. If it weren’t for me he’d either be naked or wearing clothes from twenty years ago. He actually used to have a box packed away in the garage of old clothes. I threw them out. The kids were devastated that I had thrown out those retro clothes. He even still has his high school track clothes. Our sons have been known to find jackets and things Dirt Man wore twenty-five years ago and have brought them back to life. He also has his Cub Scout uniform…which I think is precious and I promise not to throw that out!

I will give Dirt Man an A+ for his camouflage knowledge. If he lived in the wilderness he’d be set. He is right on target with picking out mossy green , olive, or tree bark for the appropriate season. But that special talent doesn’t help him in the real world.

When our second child was born, I failed to pick out daily clothing ahead of time for the first child. I assumed that Dirt Man could piece together Osh Kosh overalls with the correct shirts, or he could even let the kid put together his own Garanimals. But oh no, you wouldn’t believe the getup the child was sporting when he came to visit at the hospital. I assumed he let the three year old dress himself, so I was going to let him have his proud moment. But the moment consisted of “Daddy dressed me!”, and I nearly died of embarrassment. Now, I’m telling you that Dirt Man actually had to go to great lengths to concoct that outfit. You know how people hand clothes down that you’d not wear in a million years unless your washing machine broke and you couldn’t do laundry for like a month? These were those clothes! They had been pushed all the way to the back of one of the drawers. They would only have been found if someone was looking for them.

On another such recent occasion that I let his fashion sense shine all on it’s own was at a beach party we had for our youngest son’s graduation. He pulled on a pair of board shorts. They were cool…Hawaiian flower print, light blue with white and yellow flowers. Then he did it…he slipped on an extremely faded navy blue shirt with tiny orange and white stripes. I cringed, but I never said a word. The party was great, and then at the very end as we were cleaning up, my friend asked Dirt Man who dressed him and said she couldn’t believe I let him go out in public looking like that. We all got a good laugh at and with Dirt Man as he explained to her how fashion means nothing (obviously) to him. He didn’t even need to say that a person’s importance is worn on the inside, but it was loud and clear. And I was proud of him, even if he looked like a fashion experiment gone wrong.

Now, I’d be lying if I said Dirt Man absolutely never bought any of his own clothes. He has been known to step foot in Dicks Sporting Goods. And he will even shop online at LL Bean or Cabela. However, you will probably never see him at the mall.

56 thoughts on “Garanimals For Men

  1. Bless his heart! I completely understand how he feels! Clothes are not who you are! Still, I love pretty clothes and shoes and bags, but I am no match for my Fashionista husband Alex. He will try on 10 pairs of jeans before he finds just the right one. The same is true with tee shirts. They have to be just so. I HATE shopping with Alex because I get bored to tears waiting for him. Plus, he treats me like his personal “shopper in waiting” to go get a different size of the different color or whatever. Now don’t get me wrong, Alex is an Eddie Bauer guy in khaki’s and polo shirts most days, but he spends more time coordinating socks and shoes than most people take to file their taxes. Still, I love how “turned out” he looks! Silly Alex!

  2. This post reminds me of the story my mom tells about my dad when she was in the hospital giving birth to my younger brother. They would speak on the phone each night and she would tell him exactly what to dress me and my older brother in so that she wasn’t too embarrassed when he brought us to come see her at the hospital the next day. 🙂

    Thanks, SuziCate!

  3. Too funny. I saw something on a Sunday news special a few weeks ago about a new spanky for men…to help reduce the size of their beer bellies. It was hilarious. Husband wears far too many shirts with holes and stains on the weekend…it just kills me.

  4. At my house, I’m the one with the box of “retro” clothes my husband wants to throw away! Actually, we’re both hopeless, though I do a better job with the kiddos. Maybe we need a Garanimals family line. =>

  5. I of course LOVE clothes. My husband likes his…but will only shop with me on occasion when he is in the mood. Weirdly though, he loves to wear the same things over and over again. He has this pea green sweatshirt from the Gap that is 15 years old and he wears it every night when he gets home from work. I am glad he doesn’t like to part with old things. He might want to part with me someday otherwise!!!

  6. I had to read excerpts of this to my husband as he sits next to me in his recliner this morning…dressed in his work shirt and camouflage pants 😉

  7. When I worked nights on w/e in the hospital, my ex had to dress the kids. I could never understand how he thought certain things might go together; always very funny! If we’d be going somewhere, I learned to lay out their clothes.
    I love that Dirt Man knows his cammo!

  8. At least Dirt Man knows who he is! I can’t tell you the number of t-shirts and shoes (casual) I have had to TAKE AWAY from D-Kitty because he will wear them until they are held together by threads. He once literally had a pair of shoes fall off his feet while he was wearing them! LOL

  9. OMG, what an adorable post, SC!

    And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the title!!!

    “He didn’t even need to say that a person’s importance is worn on the inside, but it was loud and clear. And I was proud of him, even if he looked like a fashion experiment gone wrong.”

    You GO, Dirt Man!

    Sounds like you two have a wonderful friendship.

    Have a great Monday, SC!


  10. I had an argument with my 5 year old this morning about wearing a sleeveless shirt over a t-shirt. I hate arguing with him when it comes to clothes, but I don’t want to be embarrased! My hubby does pretty well in throwing stuff together, though I wonder sometimes when he dresses our youngest.

  11. I snorted my coffee when I read “Daddy dressed me!” OMG – this is so funny. My husband is the same way, except he doesn’t know it. He thinks what he puts together is just stunning!

  12. I am one of those women whose husband is better dressed than she is. The man is a clothes horse, and VERY critical of what other men wear (Robert Osborne, the host of Turner Classic Movies, drives him bananas). His daughters tease him and tell him he’s “metro” but it comes from a lifetime of working with high-end menswear retailers.

    And I have to admit – I get weak in the knees when I see him in a suit.

  13. My paternal grandmother dressed my grandfather every day of their marriage. When she passed, I was thirteen. I dressed him for the next few weeks. The man literally could not pick out his own clothes. Thankfully, he got the hang of it and was actually a pretty snazzy dresser in later years.

    I totally dress my hubby if he’s going anywhere with me. Because he could care less.

    I think he and Dirt Man would get along great.


  14. My husband is a T-shirt and jeans person, except when his job requires him to wear button down shirts and slacks. He is fine with clothes, he washes, folds, and irons his own clothes. (I iron more wrinkles IN than out and manage to burn myself–I’m talented like that!)

    His mom buys the dress clothes, I buy the T-shirts, he buys the jeans.

    I am the one that would get arrested by the fashion police if there were such a thing. My motto is, “Will I get arrested by the ‘regular’ police? Is everthing cover?” If the answers are no then yes. I’ma go. COMFORT is my main goal—warmth is up there too.

    I don’t have kids so I can’t say about that. I think I would be more inclined to dress them nice.

    Your writing is so entertaining. Thanks for the giggles!

    • Sounds like you guys have a system. It’s good to be comfortable, and not get arrested…made me laugh. Funny what you said about having kids because I think I have always spent more on my kids clothing and shoes than my own! And thanks and you’re welcome.

      • Yes, it is very good to be comfortable and not get arrested. But really, that is all I mostly care about.

        We have a group we hang out with—they are totally clothes people—I sweat and worry and fret over what to wear when we go out with them. Eeek!

        Yes, I think that most people are more concerned with their children’s appereance than their own. I think.

        I have a habit of finding a comfortable item (pants, shirt, shoes) then buying it in different colors. Voila! I am set!

  15. interesting topic,
    life is easy without clothes,
    but at times,
    it means trouble
    when a school girl gets hurt …
    lovely spirit,
    Happy Monday!

  16. They should make a clothing line for color blind people with codes to match up. Also we just found some Garanimals cloths in the hand-me-downs for Ian and I’m pleased with them. 🙂

  17. I think Garanimals for men is a great idea, but you are going to have to change the name so you can patent it!
    My husband has been wearing the same clothes for 35 years. Well, not exactly the SAME, but the same brand/style from LL Bean. Same t-shirt with pocket. Same flannel shirt. He ran into trouble because they stopped making the exact t-shirt he likes, sand he won’t buy any another. His t-shirts are threadbare. Bring on the Garanimals!
    Lindsey Petersen

  18. That’s so funny! Actually, the boys in my family have decent fashion sense. . . except for my little brother who tries to match plaid shorts with another type of plaid shirt. My other brother had an obsession with matching his shoes and his hat. . .

  19. No wonder Dirtman and my Hubs got along so well. We were going out to dinner last nite and he put on a tie-dye tee from Bonnaroo with a nice pair of blue plaid shorts- EEKS!!! It was awful. I had to go back upstairs with him to pick out a new outfit!

  20. My hubby likes to wear camo soo much, he asked me to paint the house camo. I don’t think so!

    I buy all of hubby’s clothes, it’s real easy..either biballs or cargo pants preferrably camo cargo pants. Harley shirts or dress shirts.

    Just the image of your hubby sporting strips and flowers is hilarious!

  21. Mu husband is super smart, and one day shortly after we were married I made the mistake of telling him that he is usually right. Even though I said “usually,” he still reminds me of those words whenever he possibly can.

    He is lucky I love him or I would have done something to cause him pain by now.

  22. I’m the same way. I am also always right, because I am always right. Now my daughter thinks she is always right too. Usually this is not a problem since we tend to agree on stuff, but she has to have the last word her dad. He hated it with me and now he has to do it all over again with her. I warned him this would happen.

  23. I sometimes wonder about the clothes my husband puts on my boys. then I just roll my eyes and figure, “whatever”

    his clothes are usually decent, although the shirts with holes in them drive me insane!

  24. Ha! I think I need some Garanimals for my husband too! Actually, I buy all of his clothes and he’s so weird about closet space that every time I buy him a new shirt, he goes and gets rid of one to make room for it. Isn’t that strange? I dunno if I’d rather that or boxes of unworn clothing in the garage (which I have by the way, but they’re MINE and I swear I will fit into them again someday).

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