Dirt Man is no male fashionista. He will never grace the cover of GQ. However, he could easily be the poster boy for someone “in need” of a male adult line of Garanimal clothing.
It’s not that he has no common sense of what goes together or even style in general. HE JUST DOESN’T CARE! If it feels comfortable then it’s fine with him.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t actually let him leave the house looking like a total slob. He wears mostly Levis and khakis, which of course, he can throw anything on with those. And he does have enough fashion sense to be able to match a pair of dress pants with a nice shirt and tie. Well, at least most of the time he can pull it off.
His problem is that he can’t part with the past. If it weren’t for me he’d either be naked or wearing clothes from twenty years ago. He actually used to have a box packed away in the garage of old clothes. I threw them out. The kids were devastated that I had thrown out those retro clothes. He even still has his high school track clothes. Our sons have been known to find jackets and things Dirt Man wore twenty-five years ago and have brought them back to life. He also has his Cub Scout uniform…which I think is precious and I promise not to throw that out!
I will give Dirt Man an A+ for his camouflage knowledge. If he lived in the wilderness he’d be set. He is right on target with picking out mossy green , olive, or tree bark for the appropriate season. But that special talent doesn’t help him in the real world.
When our second child was born, I failed to pick out daily clothing ahead of time for the first child. I assumed that Dirt Man could piece together Osh Kosh overalls with the correct shirts, or he could even let the kid put together his own Garanimals. But oh no, you wouldn’t believe the getup the child was sporting when he came to visit at the hospital. I assumed he let the three year old dress himself, so I was going to let him have his proud moment. But the moment consisted of “Daddy dressed me!”, and I nearly died of embarrassment. Now, I’m telling you that Dirt Man actually had to go to great lengths to concoct that outfit. You know how people hand clothes down that you’d not wear in a million years unless your washing machine broke and you couldn’t do laundry for like a month? These were those clothes! They had been pushed all the way to the back of one of the drawers. They would only have been found if someone was looking for them.
On another such recent occasion that I let his fashion sense shine all on it’s own was at a beach party we had for our youngest son’s graduation. He pulled on a pair of board shorts. They were cool…Hawaiian flower print, light blue with white and yellow flowers. Then he did it…he slipped on an extremely faded navy blue shirt with tiny orange and white stripes. I cringed, but I never said a word. The party was great, and then at the very end as we were cleaning up, my friend asked Dirt Man who dressed him and said she couldn’t believe I let him go out in public looking like that. We all got a good laugh at and with Dirt Man as he explained to her how fashion means nothing (obviously) to him. He didn’t even need to say that a person’s importance is worn on the inside, but it was loud and clear. And I was proud of him, even if he looked like a fashion experiment gone wrong.
Now, I’d be lying if I said Dirt Man absolutely never bought any of his own clothes. He has been known to step foot in Dicks Sporting Goods. And he will even shop online at LL Bean or Cabela. However, you will probably never see him at the mall.