Confident? Not Exactly.

Someone commented on my “Appearance” post that she was surprised because she thought I come across as confident and always had been. After reading that, I worried that maybe I had sounded smug which was the least of my intentions. See, I am obviously not confident. I think we all at some point in our lives lack confidence, and it is in learning to accept ourselves as who we are that we gain confidence. I think it is a life learning experience.

Confidence is having faith or belief in your abilities. I don’t always feel that way. I know that I am flawed, but it’s ok to be who I am. Most importantly, I learn (most of the time!) from my mistakes. So, I would venture to say that I am not so much confident as I am accepting.

I have also learned that I am more opinionated than confident. Sometimes, I am brave enough to share my opinions and sometimes not. I do know that in posting what I think, I am at risk of people disagreeing with me. But that’s ok, too. We all know the saying about opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. Having the guts to go against the flow to be true to ones own morals is important. I personally don’t know anyone who does that with complete ease. I have stood steadfast on the opposing side, but it certainly didn’t mean I was confident while doing it. In fact, I was shaking in my boots so to speak.

Confidence is a tricky thing. Especially when it comes to self-confidence. I think that even the most self-assured person still second guesses him/herself. Then there are the many areas that one needs confidence…appearance, intellect, job skills, social skills, and even spiritual life. There are so many ideas to grasp on every subject. What do we cling to and what do we push away?

Too much confidence runs the risk of an over-inflated ego. It’s all in balance, to be aware of our weaknesses. Having the willingness and ability to try to strengthen my weak areas and using my strengths to maximum capacity is an ongoing struggle. First is the problem of identifying them. What I think of myself is self perception, and what other think of me are opinions. So, who is correct? When both sides mesh? And then what is more important to me, other opinions or honestly seeing myself for who I am inside and out and being comfortable with that image?

For example, even the most skilled surgeon might run across a situation that must be re-examined and a new theory developed to apply to the situation. Over-confidence can stifle one. As long as one remains open to receive, the possibilities are endless. As far as my own self value, knowing that I am “good enough” but not all that I can “possibly become” is an appropriate level of confidence for me.

I continue to live, learn, and evolve. I am aware that I do have more confidence in some areas than others. And I’d be lying to you if I said that I do not at all care what others think because I do. But it’s more important for me to feel good about the choices that I make in life and to feel comfortable with my own soul and skin. My refusal to dwell on things or control situations is what allows me peace. So, I trudge along and decline to allow myself to obsess about acceptance.

32 thoughts on “Confident? Not Exactly.

  1. Reading this, something came to mind. There was a situation in the last couple of weeks, in fact two situations where a couple of bloggers were very unhappy over some inappropriate posts. I was acquainted with one of the situations and just heard about the other one.

    I agreed that the bloggers were faced with some unpleasantness, but declined to get involved or comment beyond “it’s a sad situatio”. Suzicate, I never form judgments unless I’m personally involved. I really refuse to condemn anyone unless I know the whole story. And, in these cases, I did not.

    You do sound like a confident woman. I have never felt or heard any touch of arrogance in your words! I think you have a lot of people who think the world of you and that it is absolutely deserved. You are a very special gal!

    I seldom worry about alienating someone with what I write. I follow my own path and enjoy that it’s not just like everyone else’s path. That’s what makes the world go round.

    Just keep doing what you’re doing Baby! It’s wonderful stuff!

    • The commenter didn’t mean anything bad at all. In fact, she’s an absolute doll. I was trying to point out that my first thought was other’s perceptionof my post, so therefore I am not as confident as I sometimes think I am or appear to be. My fellow bloggers havebeen very gracious to me. I, too, usually write exactly what I think, and sometimes second guess myself…but know that in the end if I’m stating truth and what I feel from my heart, all is fine. And you know I LOVE your posts!

  2. I am also seen as confident. If people only KNEW how much I second guess myself! I didn’t really gain the same impression from your post, because I can relate so well to it. I have greater confidence in my speaking than I do in my listening. I have less confidence in my physical attributes than in my mental. I can talk a mean game, but can I walk the walk? I may be the first to tell myself no.
    Your confidence in life comes across best. The ability to accept life as it comes and grow with it is a confidence a lot of others do NOT share.

  3. Oh no, I’m sure you are talking about me, and my comment. I promise, promise I only meant it in a good way – I see you as confident, not smug or arrogant in anyway. I’m so sorry if what I said didn’t come out right and made you second guess yourself. I think you are awesome and I’m sorry if it didn’t come out the right way.. 😦

    • Oh Sweetie, I KNOW you meant it in a good way, I was only trying to point out that even when I think I’m confident I still sometimes second guess, and no matter how steadfast I may be in my beliefs or opinions, I still sometimes wonder what others think. I think we all do that at times, or maybe I’m just weird. Maybe I’m confident in what I believe but still unsure of other’s acceptance of me?

  4. Isn’t the whole concept of confidence funny? You see, not having it at all puts you in a trainwreck of a situation. Having too much makes one look like they’re full of ego. I guess there’s a fine difference between being confident and not always feeling like you’re the best you can be…yes? Which is perfectly human, I might add. Food for thought for a blog post on my “big” theme for NaBloPoMo.

  5. I never believe people when they say they don’t care at all what people think. I certainly don’t let that rule my life, but if I love people, or respect them, I certainly care what they think.
    Your writing comes across as confident and open and frankly, quite lovely. No worries.

  6. Confidence is indeed a tricky thing. Like you, I didn’t have much self-confidence when I was younger (something The Ex exploited very well) and, like you, it surprises people when I tell them that today.

    I also agree with Maureen – you come across as very confident and open here, and I enjoy your writing a great deal.

  7. This post really spoke to me. Confidence IS tricky. Especially when confidence in one area rarely translates into the areas we feel weakest – the areas we want most to improve. But it keeps us in check, doesn’t it? Reminds us that there are always areas to change and ways in which to reach out to others around us struggling with the areas we feel strongest.

  8. I needed to read this whole post. It’s something that I’ve got to work on.
    “And then what is more important to me, other opinions or honestly seeing myself for who I am inside and out and being comfortable with that image?”

    Thanks for writing this 🙂 It’s inspiring, and now I just got to find my way

    • You’ll find your way, Sweetie. Even though I am comfortable with who I still catch myself being soncerned with what others think. But I have found it is much more important to accept yourself than to worry about what other think…it’s a difficult balance.

  9. But it’s more important for me to feel good about the choices that I make in life and to feel comfortable with my own soul and skin.

    That’s my favorite line in this post! 😀

    Happy Friday!

  10. OMG…you speak VOLUMES of truth in this post, SC.

    “that I am not so much confident as I am accepting.”

    Exactly. Me too.

    People are equally as surprise whenever I post something about the many times I’ve doubted myself.

    It wasn’t until I accepted my own self-doubt, did I begin to have confidence.

    ” it’s more important for me to feel good about the choices that I make in life and to feel comfortable with my own soul and skin”


    Outstanding post, SG!


  11. I was born without the gene for confidence. Happily, with age and experience I’m not exactly more confident, but the frequent humiliation seems more amusing than anything at this point. Plus, I have kids and to them I’m the bomb. That’s a tiny confidence boost every day right there.

  12. Unfortunately I lack both confidence and the ability to state my opinions. I have a serious fear of conflict. But I have learned that the older I get the more accepting I am of where I’ve come from and where I’m going. Great post.

  13. I have never thought you smug. I have never thought you lacking confidence, either. I have always considered you balanced, which is one of the reasons I admire you so much.

    Self-confidence is hard to come by, especially this day in age when so much media, etc. bombards us with messages that we aren’t good enough.

    I love your blog.

    I love your honesty.

    You are “good people”, Suzicate. Don’t forget that.

  14. I can put on a damn good act, displaying confidence in many settings. But at my core is self-doubt. And sometimes I’m very good at keeping that core hidden, even from myself. Until it bubbles up, like a volcano or hot spring.

  15. Terrific topic and great conversation. I don’t know anyone who is confident in every area, and even as confidence grows in some areas, life can toss you a curve ball and shake up your world in others.

    And I agree that you always come across as clear, open and comfortable with yourself.

  16. One the best doctors I had once told me that if when my tests come back, and she thinks it’s outside her comfort zone, she’d refer me to someone she’d personally see or refer her mother to. From that point on, I trusted her.

    As it turned out, down the line it came to be. I had the BRCA 1 gene, and she referred me to some amazing doctors.

  17. A particular line in this post leaped off the page at me: “My refusal to dwell on things or control situations is what allows me peace.” This week I have been trying to see a friend through a difficult situation, and this friend struggles with dwelling on things and trying to keep utter control. If you don’t mind, I am going to pass this line along and hope that it helps! You’re a great writer, Susan! Keep up the good work!

  18. I didn’t read the Blog you commented on, but all your points seem valid ones.

    This sentence:
    “I am brave enough to share my opinions and sometimes not.”

    To be able to stand up and share takes a lot of courage. You sound like one brave person. Glad to know you!

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