Someone commented on my “Appearance” post that she was surprised because she thought I come across as confident and always had been. After reading that, I worried that maybe I had sounded smug which was the least of my intentions. See, I am obviously not confident. I think we all at some point in our lives lack confidence, and it is in learning to accept ourselves as who we are that we gain confidence. I think it is a life learning experience.
Confidence is having faith or belief in your abilities. I don’t always feel that way. I know that I am flawed, but it’s ok to be who I am. Most importantly, I learn (most of the time!) from my mistakes. So, I would venture to say that I am not so much confident as I am accepting.
I have also learned that I am more opinionated than confident. Sometimes, I am brave enough to share my opinions and sometimes not. I do know that in posting what I think, I am at risk of people disagreeing with me. But that’s ok, too. We all know the saying about opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. Having the guts to go against the flow to be true to ones own morals is important. I personally don’t know anyone who does that with complete ease. I have stood steadfast on the opposing side, but it certainly didn’t mean I was confident while doing it. In fact, I was shaking in my boots so to speak.
Confidence is a tricky thing. Especially when it comes to self-confidence. I think that even the most self-assured person still second guesses him/herself. Then there are the many areas that one needs confidence…appearance, intellect, job skills, social skills, and even spiritual life. There are so many ideas to grasp on every subject. What do we cling to and what do we push away?
Too much confidence runs the risk of an over-inflated ego. It’s all in balance, to be aware of our weaknesses. Having the willingness and ability to try to strengthen my weak areas and using my strengths to maximum capacity is an ongoing struggle. First is the problem of identifying them. What I think of myself is self perception, and what other think of me are opinions. So, who is correct? When both sides mesh? And then what is more important to me, other opinions or honestly seeing myself for who I am inside and out and being comfortable with that image?
For example, even the most skilled surgeon might run across a situation that must be re-examined and a new theory developed to apply to the situation. Over-confidence can stifle one. As long as one remains open to receive, the possibilities are endless. As far as my own self value, knowing that I am “good enough” but not all that I can “possibly become” is an appropriate level of confidence for me.
I continue to live, learn, and evolve. I am aware that I do have more confidence in some areas than others. And I’d be lying to you if I said that I do not at all care what others think because I do. But it’s more important for me to feel good about the choices that I make in life and to feel comfortable with my own soul and skin. My refusal to dwell on things or control situations is what allows me peace. So, I trudge along and decline to allow myself to obsess about acceptance.