It’s Just Me

small cycle

So, this Spin is supposed to be all about me. Geesh, where do I start?!

I suppose I could say that I have always been quite sensitive, the overly emotional type. I’ve always hated it and tried so hard to change, but I can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve. I have in recent months come to terms with it. I have decided that it is ok to show emotions, good or bad. Whatever I feel, I feel it deeply, and I’d truly rather be happy or sad or whatever than to not experience these feelings at all. And there are people who don’t feel…really there are, I saw it on an episode of “House”. I just can’t remember the term for it.

I talk way too much, and I talk with my hands. It is a family trait. I was the kid with the report cards with the warning that I talked too much. I was also the kid that had to write twenty-five times (on more than one occasion!) “ I will not talk in class.“ or “I will not interrupt Mrs. Rotch in class”. That was a lot of writing for a second grader, but it didn’t cure me. It only made me hate Mrs. Rotch who I dubbed Mrs. Retch! Actually, Mrs. Wretch would have been better, but I didn’t know the difference then. Come on, I was only in second grade. I remember on the first day of my seventh grade science class, the teacher goes, “Oh my God. Another one of you. Please tell me that you are the last one. Are you like the others. I swear if I’d tied their hands behind their backs, they wouldn’t have been able to say a word.” I assured him that I was the last of the six kids. I tried my best not to talk too much in his class and he was surprised to find that I got straight A’s in his class. Maybe, he was thankful that I was trying to be quiet! So anyway, maybe, my blog is giving everyone around me a break from listening to me, and I have a place to say what I think without being overly annoying. I mean at least this way, if I am annoying people have the opportunity to walk away and not read me. But those within my reach, too bad…unless of course, you learn to tone me out like my family!

I am a creative person. I put my soul into whatever I am producing. And I think my emotions show through as well. I write, art quilt, pattern quilt, stamp, bead, sew various crafts, embroider, knit a little, crochet, and love felting with crochet. I enjoy making things for other people. My kids think that I can make anything. Shhhh, don’t tell them any differently. Sometimes, the things they want me to make are way over my talent level, so I tell them it’s just as cheap to buy it!

The fact that I am shy will probably come as a big surprise to you. I am actually quite shy until I get to know you. Then all hell breaks loose. Another surprising thing is that I am not always as quick with sarcasm in real life as I am on paper. I usually think of things to say after the fact. I’ve been told that sarcasm is an insecurity issue. It might be.

One thing I absolutely am is loyal to a fault. If you have managed to fit into my little world of friendship, you will be stuck with me forever. I have many acquaintances. Many call those people friends…I do not. Superficial relationships are for acquaintances. Friendship goes to a much deeper level. One must earn my trust to become a friend. I value my friends and loved ones and will go to the ends of the earth for them.

I spend way too much time thinking instead of doing. I don’t mind being alone with myself. I used to stay busy because I was afraid I wouldn’t like me if I got to know me. I must say it’s been an interesting journey. I do NOT look like a super model, nor am I rich or famous. But if you take the time to peer into my soul, you’ll see I’m a fairly complex yet adequate.

81 thoughts on “It’s Just Me

  1. Oh my goodness. It’s *spooky* how like me all of this is. Honestly..two peas in a pod. With *one* major exception. I’m the polar opposite on talking. I tend to sit and observe people (sounds a bit creepy as I say that!) and my school reports always berated me for not saying anything in class! If we met up this might work out really well for us. You talk and I’ll listen as we craft away! 🙂

  2. Oh Suzi you sound so interesting! I too am loyal to a fault, and I agree completely about the friends vs acquaintances. It’s funny how many bloggers are a bit shy, yet we don’t seem to be on the written page.

    • Yes, on the written page, it’s easier to be yourself because you’re not being judged on a personal level like people who know (or think they know you) you judge you.

  3. I think I have insecurity in spades. My snark is just as prevalant verbally as it is in written form.
    I have always been drawn to people with talented hands. Those who can create something great out of pieces and swatches amaze me to no end.
    Also? You’re great with words. I keep trying to add your site to my Google Reader, which unfortunately takes weeks on the uptake. Oy.
    You’re linked!

  4. All I know is writing – I will not talk in class – 250 times is ridiculous! It didn’t cure me either. 🙂

    Loyalty is a big thing with me as well, it takes a lot to break it, but I’m done when they do.

    I always had a desire to craft. I maybe got smidge from my mom, but not enough to be artsy. She can make anything. I bet your work is amazing.

    Your soul is even more incredible – deep, sensitive, and earnest. You are a very special person. I am so glad you got to know you and that I get to peek into your world.

  5. You are more beautiful than any supermodel, inside and out and richer than most millionaires. You give and give and you are one incredible person. That’s why I am so proud that you are my sister. You couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to. You’re STUCK!

  6. Much like you, I think of the sarcastic comments long after the conversation has taken place. Occassionally I’ll get a good one in. Funny how we’re all so alike and tend to gravitate toward each others blogs. 🙂

    • It is isn’t it. Reading blogs arelike peeking into souls and we go where we’re comfortable. I love all the people I meet here. Much better than most friendships because it is truly on a different level.

  7. What a tough assignment, writing about oneself, and you did it courageously. Well done. I’d love to meet you one day in person.

    There were many traits there that I identified with, but this one struck a chord: that you “stay busy because I was afraid I wouldn’t like me.” Wow. That’s me too.

    • Maybe one day we will get that opportunity! Once you dig in and accept flaws you’ll realize that there is so much more good stuff that outweighs the bad. It’s uncomfortable to probe oneself, but well worth the results of accepting yourself. I’m still insecure at times. but I now feel worthy and deserving of the good in life. We all need to feel worthy. I can tell by your writing that you are a good person deep down, and the many shades of Patti are worthy and deserving. Don’t be afraid to find yourself…or at least do it anyway, one step at a time.

  8. I truly enjoyed and appreciated this post. I think it’s wonderful the way you’re able to put down on paper both your faults and your virtues and accept yourself as you are. I’m envious.

    I also really enjoy your writing style.

  9. Suzicate, you are an amazing and talented woman. I agree with Peg that you are also quite beautiful and I do not need glasses. Love the post and its honesty and candor. You’re very special.

  10. Oh…I LOVED this post!

    Hey, are you sure you don’t have some Italian blood in you?

    We Italians talk with our hands and are known to be very emotional.

    (especially while sipping a glass of red wine – HA!)

    The more I read of you, the more I see the similarities within myself. I think we, as artists (creative people), wear our emotions on our sleeves because in order for us to be open to creative energy, we need to OPEN.

    And that means to EVERYthing. There’s a rawness to creativity, which I happen to love.

    Isn’t blogging such a wonderful way to express ourselves? It’s our own personal space to share freely and allow those who wish to read, read.

    “One must earn my trust to become a friend”

    Yup…me too!

    X

    • I am an “adopted” Italian. My little elderly friend who I just found out will actually be 98 in May is Italian, originally from Italy and then from NY…so I am exposed to the true Italian ways and absolutely LOVE it. You are correct about the creative energy, openess, and it being raw. It’s an overwhelming feeling sometimes, but I love the adrenaline rush and then that quiet satisfied feeling that follows!

  11. I love Suzicate just the way she is. You’re blog is honest, thoughtful and often thought provoking. Your sister and you keep me laughing and thinking.

    ♥Spot

    • Awe, thank you. I hope you’re feeling better. You and I have some of the same medical issues…I’ll share someday. But glad you made that pnemonia take a hike. It has taken me two weeks to shoo off this bug and it’s still lingering, stubborn little cuss!

  12. I am glad you wear your emotions on your sleeve, talk with your hands, and are super creative. These things are what make you you, and what make me so glad to be a Non-Cheerio with you!

  13. Check and check — I’m definitely a “feeler” but also very shy. Boy do I know what you mean! It’s like we’re at the mercy of our emotions. As much as people tell us not to feel things so deeply (for our own good when those very emotions are running us ragged), can we really control that?

    I think I saw that episode of House you referred to — totally creeped me out.

  14. It has been a happy experience, one that I look forward to, visiting your blog and getting to know you through this media. You are charming and witty and vulnerable all at once. I’m so glad I stumbled into this part of the internet. Thanks for sharing today and every day!

  15. Me, you and Peg must be kindred Spirits. I totally can realte to your post. I would not be able to talk if I didn’t have my hands. I’m very animated.

    And, you are way more than adequate. You are supreme. The creme de la creme baby!

  16. I’m still spinning about the 7th grade science teacher, thankful that you were the last of the bunch. Sometimes teachers just don’t think before they speak and say the dumbest things!

  17. Like you, I was the good student often set the task of writing “I will not talk in class” 25 times or more! 🙂

    I love what you say here about loyalty, trust, and friendship. I’m thinking today about an old friend with whom I’ve lost touch and your distinction between acquaintances and friends makes me want to get back in touch with her. Thanks.

  18. What you said about the difference between friends and acquaintances is so very true. I am quick to make those surface acquaintances but I am very wary about letting anybody get so close as to be a real friend. I’m guarded.

    I actually share more on my blog with strangers than I do with my real life friends. That doesn’t even make sense, does it?

    It makes me giggle that you couldn’t shut up in school!

  19. Oh yeah, your profile doesn’t let me reply to you by email so I’m not sure how to give you the link to which I referred in my blog today. You can email me maybe and I’ll reply to that???

  20. Loved reading this post! I am surprised that you are a shy person at the get go – never would have thought that of you!

    Oh, and the reason I cook so much is because I dream about it all day while I am sitting at my desk filing papers. If I were younger I definitely would have loved to work in a food magazine!

  21. I wrote my share of sentences in school, too. I also got many s minuses in ‘talks at appropriate time’ or some nonsense like that. My kids are the same way. Poor things.

  22. Talking with your hands is always a good thing. Animated, creative lady of the word that you are! Always good to know more about one my favorite bloggers.

  23. Adequate? That is selling yourself WAY short. I think all the responses here prove that you are a fine writer, thinker, and have a fine sense of humor. You strike me as a ponderer, which I enjoy immensely. I wish you’d show us some of your quilts!

    • Thanks. I think I am a ponderer which gets me in trouble sometimes! I give my quilts away as each one I make is with someone in mind. I can take pics of the ones I made for my kids. I probably have pics of some of of the ones I’ve given away if I can find them. I’ll try to do it one day. This week I’ve been quilting purses. Maybe I’ll post pics of those.

  24. I love that we are so much alike.

    I talk all the time.
    love to crochet (felting?).
    shy till I know ya, can’t shut me up afterwards.
    once your my friend, it’s long lasting.

    You rock!

  25. Funny Suzicate…I feel in some ways you were describing parts of me. I think we have a lot in common. I think that is why I connect so well with the things you write. Now I feel like I know you a little bit better.

  26. So different, yet both intriguing. Yours is formal, timeless, an ode really. His is a gesture, a photograph. Thanks for these both, and for your comments on mine.

  27. My report cards were riddled with “lacks self-control” when I was growing up. Yes, a fellow “talks with the hands” person here.

    I’m soooo glad to be in such good company!

  28. You are so right on describing yourself, all the way down to the last word. Adequate?! Are you crazy? You are ESSENTIAL, my dear. A jewel in my jewelry box and a charm on my arm. Your friendship has absolutely been a positive force in my life and I value it immensely. I do not have adequate friends …. 😉

  29. “Sarcasm: the body’s natural defense against stupid.” Can you tell I suffer from the same *insecurities*? 😉 Thank you for sharing your soul. It appears we have a lot in common (except the 6 sibling part).

  30. Hooray for talking with your hands. My family does it too. That’s why we can’t talk in the car we’d never be holding the wheel. 🙂

    Also Mrs Retch/Wretch. hehehehe I love it.

    And you’re absolutely right a friend is VERY different from an acquaintance.

  31. Loved reading more about you! You sound like someone I could really like. That loyalty trait is close to my heart since I feel exactly the same way. I’ve only got 2 friends (other than my husband) who I can be myself with, and you are right, the rest is more superficial.

    great spin!

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