Not His Girlfriend

As you can imagine from many of my posts, my parents are a constant source of amazement and entertainment. You know how every family has A story, that one story that gets told time after time and everyone still laughs as if it is the first time they ever heard it? Well, this is THAT story.

Not many packages were ever delivered to our house. Actually, none were because we lived so far out. We’d get a notice in the mail to go pick it up. Whenever, we got a notice that there was something to be picked up, one of my parents knew what it was going to be as they were the ones who ordered the item.

So, anyway, one day my folks grabbed the mail and went out for lunch. While they were eating lunch, my mother started going through the mail. She got to one item and looked up at my father with a scowl.

Mom: Who the hell is Maggie Chet?
Dad: I’ll be damned if I know.
Mom: You obviously know her because she knows your name and address and has sent you a package! (She is fuming at this point and shoves the notice at him.)
Dad: I swear I never heard of her! (He is perplexed at this point.)
Mom: Well, I wonder what your girlfriend sent you!
Dad: She ain’t no damn girlfriend of mine!

They finish eating and my father suggests that they go to pick up the package. My mother tells him she’ll just wait in the car while he goes in. She is still fuming. My father returns with a large box and is grinning from ear to ear.

Dad: I got Maggie Chet in the box.
Mom; Well, you can just keep that bitch in the box!

My dad is howling with laughter which only makes my mother angrier. The more she fusses at him, the harder he laughs. The harder he laughs, the more ticked off she becomes.

Mom: So, what did that hussy of yours send you?
Dad: I’ve told you I don’t know Maggie Chet.
Mom: Well, she sent you something. Obviously you know her!
Dad: Actually, this is for you, and you’ve been expecting it.
Mom: I know good and well that I don’t know any such Maggie Chet.
Dad: Put your glasses on and read the return label.

It said Magic Chef. Now that my friends is how you make a mountain out of a mole hill when you’re too stubborn to wear your glasses! (It was actually a microwave that my sister’s friend sent, and they were expecting it.)

65 thoughts on “Not His Girlfriend

  1. My wife won’t wear glasses, but she seems to be able to see things.
    I sent something to Jo at End of the Rainbow for the MS raffle. My wife asks, “Who’s Jo……”
    She doesn’t seem to miss much.

  2. I’ve been known to jump to conclusions at times. But I’ve learned to laugh at my assumptions…becuase most truly do make me look like an ass.

    Maggie Chet.
    That’s funny.
    She thought he had a little asian fixation on the side….

  3. LOL! That sounds like something my husband and I would do. I’m all about jumping to conclusions. I watched too many daytime soaps as a young adult. It warped my brain.

  4. This was so funny! I’d love to have heard that conversation! Maggie is such a hussy name! Or maybe it’s Molly that’s the hussy name! Or Maizie? Oh heck, at least it wasn’t your dad’s hussy!

  5. Bwhahahahahahahahhaaha!

    OMG, SC…that was both hysterical and precious!

    It’s like something you’d see on “All in the Family.”

    What a FLAWLESS family you have!

    Please know that I’m going to be sharing this story at work tomorrow!

  6. Whoo! Talk about out of line. And letting yourself in for generations of ridicule. We had a much tamer version of this when I wrote my sleep study appointment on the calendar and my husband looked at it and said ‘why on earth are you studying sheep on Friday?’

  7. I have a funny family story like this too. When I was young I wanted to get some baby oil (for tanning..I know…very bad…but this was back in the day) anyhow I wrote a list of things for my dad to but at the drugstore. When he came back he looked all perplexed and said “i have asked everyone at the store and no one knows what Babu oil is…what is it???” My mom and I rolled on the floor laughing…of course like any good doctor…I have terrible handwriting. To this day we call baby oil Babu oil!

  8. Oh, please promise that I won’t be re-enacting this drama in 10+ years because one of us is too stubborn to wear my reading glasses. I can totally imagine this happening.

  9. Way too funny. Kind of reminds me of when I used to get a free scoop of ice-cream from Baskin Robbins. After we moved I started getting two, one for Chris and one for Orris. Sometimes wished my parents would have saved the card just to prove it.

  10. Pingback: Poker Face « Square Peg in a Round Hole

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