The computerized self checkouts at B.J.’s Whole Sale Club hate me. Every one of them. I think it might be four of them. Doesn’t matter which one I use, something always messes up. Usually, it won’t scan an item. “Remove item from the belt. Scan again.” I hate that darn smug voice! Inevitably, the lights start blinking, silently blaring “Idiot at this register” until a manger with a key can stop it, swipe her card and if that doesn’t work manually punch in those numbers.
Today was no different except that it was worse. I decided to quickly get the gazillion items I needed and speed back home to meet Dirt Man so we could go out to dinner. (I hear what you’re sayin’ so just shut it. No the “non diet” does NOT exist anymore…it has turned into the “NO WAY IN HELL AM I ON A DIET CUZ THEY SUCK!!!! eating plan) Gosh, I sure feel better. Back to my story….I had a lot of things to get, but decided to only pick up half of them, which filled my shopping cart. And I had a lot of coupons because I had just gotten their monthly coupon book in the mail, and I was out of like everything. I scanned all of my items through. Only one item wouldn’t scan and it worked on the second swipe.
So, what was the problem…well, I’m going to tell you. I started scanning my coupons, and the voice would direct me to place coupon in slot after I’d already done it, and then tell me it was not going to except it because the coupon holder was full. So, the lights on the pole at the register started blinking. Yeah, I could feel the eyes of all the customers just staring me down. The teenage cashier dude came over and unlocked the box and shifted all the coupons around. Same message blares “Coupon box is full. Remove and empty box.” He tries over and over. Then another teenage cashier dude comes over and tells him to do what he just did. They work on it for about ten minutes. Then he calls in the big guns. Apparently, if there’s a problem you call the big bad older females in to take over.
So, the first woman tries shuffling and then smashing down the coupons and then she dumps the box out and replaces it. She bangs it around, opens and closes it and tries to swipe her card. THE WHOLE DANG COMPUTER FREEZES!!!! So this boss lady calls in the bigger boss lady. In the meantime, my quick shopping trip is turning into a really long one. While I’m not angry at them because it’s the dang stupid computer I want to kick, I am starting to feel a migraine coming on. I’m trying to mentally psyche out the pounding in my head, yeah like that’s ever worked before.
The ultimate boss lady tells me that they are going to have to take all of my items (yes, a couple hundred dollars worth) to another register and ring them up again. Well, I’d already put through $19 worth of coupons, so I was about to be even more perturbed. She could still see the read out so they pulled that amount out in coupons to run through the new order. And I hadn’t finished. Yeah, I was having a good coupon day. That was why the computer jixed me. See, I am usually the person that gets home and discovers that I had a $10 coupon for Turbo Tax, $7 coupon for the Brit water pitcher , $5 for the filters, $10 for the printer ink, and $5 for the Zyrtec. Yes, that is what I do on an average trip, but this time I was ready. List, coupons, B.J,’s card (sometimes I actually forget that), and credit card. I mean I was on a roll. But the computer had to be pissed because for once I had it together and it was jealous. So, if you really believe that computers aren’t alive, you are sadly mistaken. They are jealous insecure women in disguise and they are out to get us just when we think we have it all together. They’re trying to mess with our heads!
So, dog gone it, they rescanned and repacked my purchases and scanned my coupons. And I saved $31. Was it worth the aggravation of having to redo everything? Honestly? Heck no! It was a pain. I was ready to pay them an extra $31 just to let me leave the store.
So, Dirt Man and I ended up going to Cheesecake Factory. We had drinks (I had to relieve all that stress!) and a nice dinner. And we bought a cheesecake to take home. White chocolate raspberry. Yeah, I deserved it, even if I say so myself.
BUT……little did I know that the dang B.J.’s computer was in cahoots with my personal laptop. It went berserk on me! (They must have designed their dastardly plot while we were at dinner.) The Caps Lock got stuck and wouldn’t release even when I restarted the computer. I could feel that freakin’ migraine coming back. Eventually (after doing a Google search) I fixed it by going into the fonts and resetting it. But I don’t know why it happened in the first place. I think there must be computer telepathy and conspiracy between those two systems. Evil jealous women in disguise…that’s what I think!