What Were These Parents Smoking?

What the heck are some people thinking when they name their kids? Do they really want them to get teased relentlessly or have their butts kicked on the school playground? Are they trying to make them tough or setting them up for failure?

Now, I do know of someone (my age) whose parents named her Marijuana. She had a rough time of it. Her teachers changed her name on all her school work to Mary Jane, and that is what she went by until she could legally change it. She did change it to an equally odd name, but at least it wasn’t an illegal substance.

I also know of sisters named Honey and Candy. Think their mama had a sweet tooth? By the way, they are the sweetest ladies you’ll ever meet! I couldn’t help but add that, and it is true.

When my oldest son was in second grade he brought home a classroom listing for the all inclusive valentine exchange. On this list were Orangejello and Lemonjello – I can’t remember the last names. I asked my son if it was some kind of a joke. He replied that they were pronounced ARONjello and LaMONjello (emphasis on capital letters), and they were twin boys. Now why the heck would anybody in his/her right mind name their kids orange jello and lemon jello? I realize that after childbirth one might not feel exactly like they are in their right mind, but come on! About a week after the Valentine party, I was scheduled for a routine parent/teacher conference and I questioned the teacher about the twins. She rolled her eyes and told me that she actually asked the mother why she named her kids those names. She said that the mom, who was quite proud of her ingenuity by the way, replied that she just couldn’t decide what to name them and she had to come up with something right then. So, she looked over at her lunch and made the decision. Imagine that…inspiration from a hospital food service try! Those kids should be about twenty-three now. I wonder about them on occasion. I hope they haven’t had a hard life because of their names, and I wonder if they legally changed their names as soon as they reached an appropriate age.

This past week I attended an Eagle Scout ceremony. At this event were many people that I don’t see that often, but know them well from our own kids childhoods. Some of these were teachers or personnel at the elementary school my kids had attended. We somehow got on the names people give their children these days. If these are true, Orangejello and Lemonjello got off easy. All I can say as that there are demented people walking around, some really sick senses of humor out there. The one that took the cake was pronounced Shatodd. This lady swears this is true and she nearly died when she had to call roll on the first day of school when she read the name according to the spelling. This was the poor kid’s name “Shithead”. I didn’t bother asking if it was a boy or girl…doesn’t matter ‘cuz with a name like that I’d think the kid is doomed. Wouldn’t you think that would be against the law. My husband says I’m too naïve and she had to have been joking. She swore it was true. Do you think she was yanking my chain?

Ok, I have to add as an after note that I just talked to my friend, Karal about this post. Shithead is real. The lady was not yanking my chain. Karal knows someone else who taught this kid (a boy, I just found out) at another school in this area. I mean, what are the odds of there being two Shitheads? Really, what were these parents smoking when they named their baby?

63 thoughts on “What Were These Parents Smoking?

  1. These parents were smoking marijuana with an orange & lemon tequila jello chaser. But, I’m wondering why no one named Doritos….because everyone knows you can’t smoke marijuana without munching out on Doritos.

  2. Love Lisa’s eply! I was thinking I know a LOT of shitheads…their parents weren’t smart enough to name them that in advance though. I worked with a poor girl whose name was Destiny Hooks and our idiot boss actually told her she should have been a prostitute or stripper because she had the perfect name! I smell sexual harassment lawsuit!

  3. Funny you should choose to write about this. During my training to register patients we were taught to always ask about spelling versus pronunciation. The orange/lemon story was told. I’d always thought it was too absurd to be real. Leave it to you to prove it right! Believe me when I tell you that there are much worse names, some are downright awful and aren’t even words (and no they weren’t foreign). May Orangejello and Lemonjello live long productive lives – you know God has a plan for them!

    • Orangejello and Lemonjello are known in C’ville, too. Their reputations (or names!) have traveled! Kind of like the Shithead proves to be true as well. Like my sister, I’ve known a lot of Shitheads, but I think I just called them that, not their birth certificates. I just can’t believe people do that to their kids!

  4. I must not know any kids with overly creative (stoned) parents. On the flipside, at least the kids won’t be confused with someone who bounces checks. My husband has such a common name that he includes his unusual middle name on all bank accounts, credit cards, his driver’s license, etc because of a local check bouncer with the same first and last name.

  5. I see a lot of STRANGE names in the travel business. And seems like the generation after mine liked to get really creative with spelling. But truly, Orangejello and Lemonjello broke the MOLD! Bwahaha! They paved the milky highway for all the Sh*theads to be born.

    I would ask how you come up with this stuff but I know….I know…(shakes head). Gotta love to laugh about it! 😀

  6. Sounds like they took a course on “What to Name Your Child” from Frank Zappa.

    Orangejello and Lemonjello because she couldn’t think of what to name them?? Honestly, what would have been wrong with John and Billy? Really?

  7. I’m giggling at Jan’s reply because John and Billy are my brothers’ names – I guess my parents decided to go a more traditional route than Frank Zappa with his Dweezil and Moon Unit.

    My German friend Steffi told me that in Germany children’s names have to be approved by the government if they’re not found on some national registry. I wonder how Orange and Lemon’s mom would feel about that plan!

  8. My dad worked for the Department of Child Support Enforcement. Which meant he had to deal with deadbeat dads who weren’t paying their court-ordered child support to the State of Illinois. He came across some funny ass names. Our favorites were Chancimo pronounced “Chance-i-mo”. Like chance of more?? Ha! Or Le-sha. Pronounced (no lie) LeDASHuh. Hahahahaha.

    ♥Spot

  9. These parents have great role models:
    Moon Unit, Diva and Dweezil(Frank Zappa); Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow); Jermagesty (Jermain Jackson); Jigme (Richard Gere); Zen (Corey Feldman); Blanket (Michael Jackson)…the list goes on. My daughter stressed for 9 months about the right name for her daughter–not wanting to saddle her with something stupid for the rest of her life. Go figure.

  10. Ya, I was gonna say those poor children of celebrities. I don’t remember who’s child it is, but there’s a name “Sage Moonblood.” I went to school with a girl whose first name was misty, and last name falake (flake, who was called, of course, misty SNOW-flake. That’s certainly not as bad as other names. Still, I’m with u, why would u want to name ur child something that will get them made fun of???

  11. One of my friends came across a Shithead as well on the roll. This was in Vancouver, where there’s a patchwork of every ethnicity imaginable in the schools. He checked his roll before the first day, came across Shithead and phoned his parents. They informed him that it was pronounced Shi-theed (accent on the eed). It was a rather common name in their country, I want to say India or Pakistan. Anyway, my teacher friend mentioned to them that in Canada, this child might have some difficulties as a result of his name, and they may wish to change it, if possible. I’m not sure if they did.

    What’s with naming your child vegetables? Didn’t some movie star name their child Tomato? or Cherry? That twigs, somehow.

    Funny post. 😀

    • They was nice that your friend warned them so they could prevent teasing from other students. I once worked with a Vietnames girl named Phuc, but it was pronounced Foo.

  12. I hae a friend who named her daughter Tatanicia Kianna. I have a friend who is married to “Janoba”. Now these are African American people and they do make up names that they think sound African. They can go to far though. I had a boyfriend named Cleotis, and his twin brother was named Theotis” (Yeah, their dad was Otis.”. Since they were pro football players, nobody screwed with their names. My son is John, but the way. My daughter is Sheila. (That’s as fancy as I would ever get!) LOL

  13. Boy that was filled with typos and I’m sorry. The ” after otis should have closed the paren, and after “my son is John, by the way is what I meant, not but the way! Sorry!

  14. OMG…I still can over the name Marijuana!?!?

    I’m picturing the parents from the 60’s, wearing love beads, t-shirts with peace signs on them and smelling of patchouli!

    HAHHAHAHAHHA!

    But Shithead? That takes the CAKE!

    However, I know a few people who’s middle name is SHITHEAD.

    FAB post, SC!

  15. Geez. Sad. Names.

    I always hated my name growing up, but now I realize I am fairly lucky compared to a lot of people.

    I know some people that named their four kids: River, Lake, Canyon, and Aspen.

    Seriously.

  16. My English teacher once told us about a mother who named her two daughters: Gon-OR-ia and Ci-PHYL-is. (Emphasis on the cap syllables and yes, the spelling is different.) She should be shot!

  17. I myself have wondered the exact same thing on many occasions! I don’t think I could ever to that to my child, considering how other school-age children would undoubtedly taunt him.

    -Jen

  18. “I mean, what are the odds of there being two Shitheads?”

    Yes and what are the odds they would marry and name their child this, seriously they have to be shitheads to stick a child with this name.

    This just makes me think that a lot of people make me think and others just scare the heck out of me, I agree that some folks shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

    Good post Suzicate

  19. I am going to laugh about ORONgejello and leMONjello for the rest of the night . . . and probably tomorrow. Oh, wow. Shouldn’t something like that cause the hospital to call Child Protective Services?

  20. Kid you not, there was a girl at my elementary school named Dorita. I guess the “a” made all the difference. My father swore there was a man in eastern NC named George Washington Peed.

  21. Ok, so, my name is Terre — pronounced Terri —just spelled odd. I dated a Jerry. His family was Harry, Larry, Terry, Kerry, and Jerry. Yup, those were the boys. Not bad at all, just funny. And it made gatherings difficult because the “erry” was the only party that was heard.

    I also dated a Lonald who had twin brothers Donald and Ronald.

    And my husband’s son — so the story goes — pestered his mother about changing his name, until she finally gave in and let him ADD a name to his name. So one of his names is now Macgyver and he uses it! ALAWYS makes me laugh.

    So not only can parents name children off the wall names, but they can make the combination of their children off the wall. As unabridgedgirl had mentioned about the nature loving parents.

  22. When I lived in Florida I worked in a jail and saw many, many doozies (it’s really no wonder they ended up in jail), but the one that will always stand out in my mind was a girl named Urine. I called her name loudly in a crowded room as I needed her for court and she stood up and loudly corrected me, “It’s YouREEN”.

    So add Urine to your Shithead and jellos.

    Another name trend that has been driving me nuts is the draw to presidential surnames–how many Madisons, Carters, Lincolns, etc. have you heard lately? My husband and I were at the park with our young daughter and we heard a mother calling, “Truman, Truman!” I guess as long as they stay away from Bush, we’ll be okay 🙂

  23. I knew a couple “shitheads” that I taught…oh, wait…their parent’s didn’t name them that. OOPS.

    Loved the comment that the wife of shithead would never have to worry about what to call him. 🙂 very cute.

  24. Oh my, I have tears in my eyes from laughing! I am just now catching up on my blogreading for the week and am so glad I didn’t miss this one. the sad thing is that it’s true. Oh. my. gosh. The worst I ever heard was a girl named (pronounced) Fah-MAH-lee, rhymes with tamale. Spelled Female.

    • But Elliot is adorable. Yeah, I’ve called mine shithead under my breath, too, but I’d never dare say it out loud much less put in on their birthcerticates!

  25. Well, we just won’t talk about the Honey part, but I have heard some crazy names in my time. Ketchup, Chocolate, Tree and Sunshine, just to name a few.

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