Choco-ween, oops, I mean Halloween is upon us. And yes, I’ve already been hitting the candy. Again this year. The candy my husband hid from our family. (Yeah, everyone knows where it is and is helping themselves, including him!) The candy intended for those snotty nosed, oops, I mean adorable little pirates and princesses.
Last year, I even tried buying the candy I didn’t like. Finding candy I don’t like is almost impossible, kind of like finding a puppy that doesn’t steal my heart. I mean chocolate…hello…who doesn’t like chocolate? Non-chocolate…pure sugar, I can scarf that down just as easily.
There was the year (way back when I was a health conscious good mom), I gave out toothbrushes. And mind you, the toothbrushes were not the crappy ones…they were Oral B’s. Word got around fast, and the kids avoided my house like the plague. According to the kids, I sucked, but the parents loved me! I was stuck with almost a case of toothbrushes. Everyone got a toothbrush in their stocking that year. (And for the next two years!)
Usually, I buy two of those huge B.J.’s size bags and after about a hundred trick or treaters (and us!), there is only about a handful of candy left at the end of the night. Our stash was beginning to look a little wimpy so I went out and bought a third bag last night.
Yes, that’s a lot of candy, and a lot of trick or treaters. It is a tiring night. The person that doles it out well deserves a bit of candy at the end of the night. Yes, that would be me. Of course, I need it now in preparation for handing it out that night! And there are always the slick ones who try to skirt through several times. (I need candy to stay on top of my game!) And last year (and the year before) there was the kid with the two pillowcases, one for himself and one for the sick brother at home. I indulged his first two visits. The third visit…NOT!
I read something last night that said that you (I) could easily gain a half a pound a day from eating a small amount of Halloween treats. I can’t remember exactly how much, but I’m sure I fell within the category. Anyway, if I keep it up, between last week and this week, it is possible I could gain fourteen pounds. A new record. Those who know me, know I don’t like to do things half way. So, I figure with Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, I am onto something. With the upcoming food and festivities, I could surely gain five pounds a week. So by New Years that’s forty pounds plus the fourteen Halloween pounds which could put my weight at an additional fifty-four pounds. (Don’t stress me, that’s about as good as my math skills get!) That would put me at just slightly ( and I mean ever so slightly) below the 200 pound mark. Maybe, I should consider a career change. A super-size model. Oh yeah, don’t remind me, I’d need to find a pretty face to go with the new bod. Well, I could eat the rest of the candy and go for Sumo wrestler. Or, I could just eat the rest of the candy and just go for a giant ball of blubber…an instant media sensation!
Ok, little boy with the sick brother at home. You’re only getting candy the first time this year. The rest of the candy is mine. All MINE! I mean, after all, I have a new career aspiration!