Choosing To Let Go

Are your apologies congruent with your actions? Do you say one thing and do another? Sending conflicting messages? Or perhaps someone is doing this to you.

It’s difficult to forgive the unapologetic. But until you do, your life will remain stagnant. You can’t flourish in a broken system.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you are excusing ill behavior. You are simply moving past it.

Withholding forgiveness and suppressing anger is like letting poison seep into your body. Eventually it manifests itself in other ways, impairing emotional and physical health.

We often save others at the cost of ourselves. We must learn to release the offenses that hold us down.

Sometimes we are wronged and deeply hurt and forgiveness doesn’t seem like an option. When we dwell on pain, it eats away at us and causes us to be bitter.

It’s normal to feel anger and pain, but we can’t allow it to build up and suffocate us.

Though difficult to regain a broken trust, we can still choose not to let resentment rule our lives.

It’s easier to let go of pain than it is to hang on to hurt and anger. We benefit from letting go of grudges as we free ourselves by forgiving. When we stop focusing on our pain and anger we can get on with life. This isn’t to say we’re opening ourselves up for more hurt involving this person. It is merely to say we’ve let this situation go.

Sometimes we must distance ourselves from toxic people. It’s alright to protect ourselves by establishing boundaries or limiting content. After all what is experience if we refuse to learn from it?

We must realize the infraction was most likely about them not us. This perspective makes forgiveness much easier. Not taking things personally allows our hearts to open and forgiveness to enter. Though we can’t change the way people act, we can change the way we react to the things they do and say.

Both apologies and forgiveness must be sincere, heart felt and soul given. It allows both parties to move on.

Peace does not enter an angry soul. To forgive is to heal. To heal is to invite peace into our lives.

Living in the Gap

April 11, 2012 – Noisy Breakfast

Chomp. Crunch. Chew. Gulp. Guzzle. Spoon by spoon, the racket continues. It’s too early for this clatter. Is it me or the cereal that’s so noisy? Oh, that’s right, the cereal goes snap, crackle, pop…sorry, guess it’s me!

39 thoughts on “Choosing To Let Go

  1. I think you have been holding back the fact that you are a very wise, counselor/psychologist. ;-) I love your inspirational letting go thoughts here … letting go is very hard, but necessary some times.

  2. Many people find letting go so difficult, not realizing that we are the ones who truly benefit from forgiveness. Thanks so much for sharing this message. It’s an important one. :)

  3. Thank you for this one. I had a birthday yesterday and promised myself to turn another leaf on a relationship with a close friend. We love each other but also have many moments of anger and disappointment. I need to learn to let go so I can breath again. Some people just need to heal themselves and I try to over-care to the point of exhausting myself. As I enter a new year, I need to learn to let go..it is one of the hardest things to do, especially for caring people like me.

    • Thank you for your comment. I wish you the best in this situation. I’ve found though hard to let go, it was the only way to learn acceptance and gain peace in some relationships and provided a way to start new relationships with same people but with a new set of boundaries.

  4. I appreciate the pep talk Suzicate. I think I have an advantage on this topic over most folks though–I am usually the one messing things up rather than the victim.

  5. I have a stack of your blogs THIS high to read when I get some time (I haven’t abandoned you). However, when I saw this one, I just had to drop everything and read it.

    The reason…I have been hurt any number of times in my long life and have nearly always been able to forgive and move on, even with transgressions that cut to the bone. But there is one particular situation that I can’t get past. Every time I think of the person and the situation, I get steaming mad, hurt all over again, and ready to rip gizzards out.

    So when I read your post, it encouraged me to try, try, try again. I do think I’m getting just a little closer.

    • Some transgression take a long time to forgive and heal. It’s never easy, but I feel better when I do let go…and sometimes I am guilty of dredging things back up in my mind; probably more as a lesson to know how much lead way I can trust some people with. When I can look back at something and not feel hurt or anger but peace with the situation I know I’ve truly let it go. I wish you the best in this situation, Sandra. Only you know how you can move on with it; and sometimes we do have to sever ties with those people who cause us harm.

  6. Well said! I’ve always heard that, if you can’t forgive a person for what he’s done, at least forgive him for what the resentment and bitterness are doing to you. And forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, but we shouldn’t hold onto the angry feelings for our own health.

  7. Forgiveness does not mean I condone the behaviour. That took me years to FEEL. I believed it, I understood it, I could say it. But it took some time to be able to feel that truth.

  8. I have a difficult time forgiving people who have a philosophy of “It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.” It is as if they have no respect and don’t care when they hurt you and harm you. They know when they do it, but it is easier for them to be rude and hurtful. Yeah, forgiving those kind is difficult.

    Stunning picture!

    • I can understand that. I know someone who expects you to be ok with all she does. I’ve come to be able to accept it is the way she is but doesn’t mean I think it’s the proper way to treat people and I set boundaries with my contact with her.

      • Yeah, aside from breaking ties completely limited contact is the way to do it. That way there is less of a chance for them to do something they will “need” forgiveness for.

  9. you’ve expressed this so well here. Letting go, releasing, it’s what I’ve been doing, again, these past few days. Otherwise stagnant energy rules the day and that is not good for my soul or my body.
    walk in beauty.

  10. These sentiments echo my train of thought, recently, Suzi. I have built up resentment against my family – who haven’t been in contact for a while. This is most likely down to things that are happening in their lives, which I don’t know about (because they aren’t contacting me!) Thank you for reminding me to forgive, forget and move on. :)

  11. This post brought back to mind the pain I experienced when my siblings rejected my memoir and I had to rewrite it. I think I have moved on, but now still guard myself from further hurt by them. Good post. Thank you.

  12. When we accept ourselves as we are . . . we accept others as they are.

    We no longer feel the need to control “them” (e.g., by insisting on an apology). Instead, we choose to control our reactions to them.

    Once we let our anger and resentment go . . . they lose their power over us. We are FREE at last.

  13. Yes, forgiveness is more for our sould than anyone elses. It helps to remove the bitterness and resentfulness that can eat away at our hearts, causing endless pain. Lovely words and your sea shot is gorgeous!

  14. I do find that the key to kindness outwardly is kindness toward myself. You have a lovely voice in this piece my friend.

  15. Pingback: 7 More Unpolished Stones | Spirit Lights The Way

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