Ewe, What’s that Smell?

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That morning I decide to wear a dress to work. I go to guest bedroom closet where I keep my dresses and pull out a soft sea green number. I check myself out in the mirror and conclude I look nice.

The scent of urine is overpowering. I change the baby’s diaper and with both kids in tow head out the door for the sitter. Again, in the van the scent permeates the air. I wonder how he can possibly smell that badly so quickly. I load my body with diaper bag, baby, and toddler, and drop all off in the sitter’s living room. I apologize to her for the obvious need of a fresh diaper.

I turn the air on and roll down the windows to air out the van on my way to work. I settled in at my desk. A few patients into the morning, I smell it again. I have someone cover my desk as I excuse myself to the bathroom. I assume my bladder has spun a leak. All is fine. “Damn it. The baby must have peed on me”, I think.

The odor becomes stronger. I begin to worry that everyone in the office is thinking that beneath my lovely attire is a dirty woman in desperate need of a bath. No one is going to tell me I smell like piss, but they’ll surely be talking about me behind my back.

I suffer through my own stench all morning and rush home to change during my lunch break. I open the closet to get another dress and am almost knocked down by the urine odor. Now, I know it can not be from the baby peeing on me. I wonder if my toddler opened the closet door and peed in there. I can’t believe I didn’t smell it when I got dressed. Damn, my stuffy sinuses!

I glance up to the shelf and I spot the culprit. The tiny plastic bottle is labeled “doe urine”. What the heck? Not only is that on the shelf, but behind my lovely dresses are Dirt Man’s hunting clothes…all drenched with the scent of deer pee! Now, I’m fuming. I pull out all my dresses and take them downstairs to throw in the washing machine. I quickly shower and change into clothes from our bedroom closet to wear back to work.

Afraid the girls in the office think I’m filthy, I relay the story to them. They all deny ever having smelled anything foul. I’m sure this is not what they will be telling their families tonight. Still, we all laugh. However, I am not laughing when I get home and order Dirt Man to only store scent free clothes in the closet or to wrap them in plastic if he must keep them encased in deer pee. Needless to say, this never again poses a problem in our house. However, it does give “the pissy girl at the office” a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?

The Spin Cycle: Most Embarrassing Moment

This isn’t my most embarrassing moment, but I’m sure I ratted to you about all the millions of other ones!

****Living in the Gap

February 14, 2012 – Chocolate in a heart shaped box

Standing in line at the grocery store, hubby comments on the orchids sitting on the “Valentine aisle”…you know the one right in front of the check out to remind and lure everyone to buy flowers and candy for their sweethearts? I notice the customer in front of us is buying wine and an orchid. I ask hubby where my heart shaped box of candy is. You see this is a standing joke. In all the years we’ve been married (almost 30 yrs.) and the time we dated (2 yrs), he has never bought me a heart shaped box of candy. (Now, I do get candy on occasion, just not a heart box. And I often get flowers and dinner or other stuff for Valentine’s Day, but it is just not something we’ve ever been over the top on.)  He thumped his chest and said, “Here’s your heart, baby.” I laughed. He walked off and came back with a large heart shaped box of candy and flowers. It’s about time I get a heart shaped box of chocolates…though truth be told, I really prefer having the one in his chest…just don’t tell him because I love chocolate, too!