The Last Word

“The wife who insists on the last word, often has it.” ~Kenneth Hutchin

Dirt Man accuses me of always having the last word. He says I insist on it, even if I have to bring the subject up HOURS later. Well, in my defense, it’s only because sometimes it takes me that long to come up with that perfect last line. You know the zinger, the one that no one can trump.

To say I must always be right is an understatement. The fact is I am always right…even when I’m wrong. And well , snarky too, but just not always in a timely manner. Point is that in the thirty plus years I’ve known Dirt Man, in “our” arguments, I’ve never been wrong. Ok, I just lied, I have been wrong, and “most” of the times I have admitted it and apologized. It’s just such a rare occurrence, that he forgets and continues to accuse me of always wanting to be right AND have the last word. Ok, I sorta admit it…I wonder if I can put a lock on this post so he doesn’t read those words? Cuz you know he’ll make me eat em’.

You must take into account the type of arguments we have. They’re not normal husband/wife arguments about money or who’s going to take the trash out. These are trivial trivia arguments. I mean Dirt Man thinks he knows everything. He is pretty dang smart, but there are some things I know a bit more about. For example, we were in the mountains one weekend where we didn’t have computer access for me to prove my point when one of these disputes took place. Anyway, I guess we heard a Bee Gee’s song and Dirt Man said something about Andy Gibb being one of them. I remarked that he was not, that the Bee Gees were his brothers and he had a solo career. He argued me down that I was wrong. I mean, come on, I only had every poster ever printed hanging on my bed room walls as a teenager, so therefore, I considered myself somewhat of an expert on Andy Gibb. Anyway, when we got back home, I looked it up on the internet to prove it to him…and do you know what he tried to do?! He tried to say that he said Andy wasn’t part of the Bee Gees and I said he was! Of all the nerve, I just shook my head and walked away while of course, having the last word UNDER my breath!

Well, I never knew how annoying it was to live with someone like me until it came back full force and bit me in the @$$! Yes, the second born may look like his Dirt Man spat him out, but he acts just like me. Except he NEVER gives up. Oh, no, not EVER! He always has the last word. And he doesn’t have to come back hours later with a smart alec rebuttal…it’s on the tip of his tongue before I can toss my last word to deaf ears! You know how your parents say that just can’t wait until you have kids and they…? I think my folks are still laughing their butts off on this one.

Having a “last word” kid is tough enough, but it’s nothing compared to a “last word” teenager. And then you have to add high intelligence and extreme stubbornness to the mix. But yes, he did live to surpass his teen years. I bit my tongue an awful lot. Now, I know why Dirt Man often has blood dribbling down his chin.