This is what I woke up to at 4:00 a.m..
Dirt Man: Holy Shit! WTF is THAT?! (as he springs straight up in bed)
Me: (As I spring up in bed to see nothing) You’re dreaming, dear. Go back to sleep.
Dirt Man: No, It’s a huge ass spider!
Me: No, It’s a ceiling fan. You were dreaming.
Dirt Man: (Laughing hysterically now) I swear that fan looked like a huge ass spider getting ready to attack me.
Dirt Man continues laughing about the ceiling fan “spider” and drifts back to a peaceful sleep.
I don’t go back to sleep. Somebody’s gotta guard Dirt Man to make sure the huge ass spider doesn’t eat him!
After being jerked out of my tranquil slumber and unable to return, I refashioned “Itsy Bitsy Spider” for him.
The huge ass spider
Jumped down from the ceiling
Up came big bad wife
And sent the spider reeling
And with her poking fun
She saved Dirt Man’s life
And the huge ass spider
Ate the huge ass wife!
Suzicate,
You are so funny.
Loved the ditty.
thank you
By: GregoryJ on February 6, 2010
at 9:49 am
You’re welcome…thank you for stopping by!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 10:01 am
Years ago, we did have a huge ass spider in the house, that had a huge ass mess of babies. That’s before Husband & I were married and I knew he was right for me when I was like “Let’s save it. We need to put it in a cup and release it.” We did 8 minus 1 leg.
By: Gropius on February 6, 2010
at 10:32 am
Only minus one leg, pretty good I’d say!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 10:58 am
They say the average human will ingest four spiders while sleeping in their lifetime.
But for some reason I don’t think Dirt Man is average.
Great save! lol.
By: Angelia on February 6, 2010
at 11:34 am
HAHAHAAHAHHAHHAHA!!
VERY funny!
What is it with men and their fear of spiders? I can handle A LOT of bugs, but SPIDERS???
THEY. FREAK. ME. OUT.
That was one of the things I couldn’t stand about living in Florida – it’s like one big bug hotel.
And spiders are their national bird!
HA!
By: Ron on February 6, 2010
at 12:14 pm
what witty humor,
I smile
when I read cool poems
and joyful notes of love…
By: jingle on February 6, 2010
at 12:22 pm
You are too funny! If I had only dreamed about a spider, I still wouldn’t be able to sleep.
By: debbie on February 6, 2010
at 12:58 pm
I don’t like spiders either, but I can handle ceiling fans!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 1:03 pm
I want you to know I was TOTALLY singsonging that in my head as I read it! You should write children’s songs! LOL for demented children that is!
By: pegbur7 on February 6, 2010
at 1:13 pm
There are many more where that came from. Dirt Man had no idea I blogged about his huge ass spideruntil a little while ago…he is a little embarrassed…laughed his butt off though!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 1:17 pm
Oh, and you KNOW hubby is dearhly afraid of spiders after being bitten TWICE by brown recluses… I am the spider annihilator in our family too.
By: pegbur7 on February 6, 2010
at 1:16 pm
Crap. I lay in bed every night and stare at that damned ceiling fan. Now you’ve done it for me. I will never be the same! EFH
By: ExpatFromHell on February 6, 2010
at 2:28 pm
LOL!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 2:30 pm
Loved the ditty! HAHAHAHAHA!
By: joz1234 on February 6, 2010
at 3:10 pm
omg, you are so frackin’ funny!
By: blueviolet on February 6, 2010
at 3:24 pm
Thanks, SuziCate for the comment on my blog.
I may do more with the photos somehow, someday. I just threw that together as a draft.
So right about rating TV et al. If only I could have seen that stuff when I was a teen. I remember a big furor about a few seconds of screen time of a bare breast on PBS. A lot of local stations wouldn’t show it. Now we have Victoria’s Secret in prime time. I rarely watch network. Usually just cable. I can get me shows on On Demand.
The rating is not serious, I don’t think. When I clicked on it at Travis’s, it took me to an ad first. Then the rating.
I just needed something to post.
I’m getting too lazy. I should start thinking of posts. Wish I could be funny like you and some of the others.
By: GregoryJ on February 6, 2010
at 3:36 pm
I like both your blogs!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 3:41 pm
tsk, tsk, you are baaad! and i like it!
By: noelle on February 6, 2010
at 6:30 pm
I know you’re crazy busy with school and home, but we all miss you!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 6:41 pm
I love your poem! So clever and funny!
By: unabridgedgirl on February 6, 2010
at 7:22 pm
Thank you…may as well be creative when insomnia hits!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 7:30 pm
Freaking funny!
By: Patti on February 6, 2010
at 7:47 pm
All I have to say is how rude.
By: Jen @ buried with children on February 6, 2010
at 8:24 pm
I love how well you used your sleepless night – to entertain us all! I know you need your sleep but this made for some very funny reading!
By: Jane on February 6, 2010
at 8:42 pm
Thanks, Jane. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I may as well be productive!
By: suzicate on February 6, 2010
at 8:47 pm
Hahaha! Love it! Sleep tight!
By: Nicole on February 6, 2010
at 10:17 pm
This reminds me of a time when I was pregnant and was staying with some family for the weekend. They had a ceiling fan in the guestroom and I woke up one night petrified because I was sure I heard a bat squeaking in the room. It was horrible. I spent the entire night with one eye open convinced that the bat could sense my extra blood supply and attack me in my sleep. Crazy.
Love your song. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
By: Mindy@thesuburbanlife on February 6, 2010
at 11:19 pm
My ex husband and I had our biggest argument over a huge jumping spider in the bathroom that he refused to kill for me. I spent three hours sleeping in the car, then got fed up and went back in, slammed it with a shoe and went to bed. It all boiled down to my not saying ‘please’~ Hence him being an ex. This was over 25 years ago and I now take the spiders outside and set them free, but I know I can stomp some ass if the time is right!
By: karal on February 7, 2010
at 2:13 am
You are quite witty! I am the spider hunter here!
By: Holly L on February 7, 2010
at 2:55 am
Here in Florida spiders can achieve the diameter of a dinner plate and, in the dark, you can actually hear their footfalls. Skittering across the ceiling like hellish Cirque performers. I catch and release too since they eat their weight in far worse critters that live here in the tropics. Something like “your enemy is your enemy, the enemy of your enemy is your friend.”
By: Linnnn on February 7, 2010
at 8:11 am